there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x33pvl_brad-paisley-dolly-parton-when-i-ge_music
I accept that it is time to step into the new millennium. Old paper journals become tattered. Laptops crash. Flash drives get left next to magnetic fields emanating from cell phones.
Lately I realize how cathartic the scritch of pen and paper is. But my life is a shotgun blast of scattered spray right now. Car, semi truck, and 2 storage units..... just not alot of organization to my chaos right at this exact breath of my life.
Recently told 3 people something that occurred to me. It's a reflection of the disconnect I feel from my world. Simply, mentioned that if I die??? Someone better darn well read my journal to discover that I lived at all. That I was a vibrant, dynamic, humorous, intelligent and worth-while person to some Nth degree.
A year ago, my best friend had a folder with all my emergency contact information, my organ donor card, my Do Not Resucitate DNR, my life insurance, bank, and email access. This included keys &title to car, boat, motorcycle, birth certificates, SSN for my two daughters and myself, and my last 10 years of income tax returns. This year? She handed me back the folder. What good does it do in a storage unit? Seasons change.
Now? Reckon they can read my doggone blog. Yet another screen name, identity, password to remember. So, if I pass from this world to the next today? No one will know I had these thoughts.
This saddens me. Thrills me. Challenges me. Provides the private screen I so covet & desire for pure open expression of my thought life. I can yell YOP right now,,, and no one will berate, judge, chastise, punish, slough it off, or kabitz on it! How POWERFUL!!!
Translated, this means, the only one in my world right now is the omnipresent, omniscient, omnipowerful God who is everywhere I am, knows it all anyway when it is still just a thudding in my heart, and is the only one capable of moving his Sovereign hand to effect any LASTING change.
And pushes my disconnect to a whole new level.
Words careening in my heart that come from others recently are source of my private ponder. Embrace. Abide. Breathe. Dream. Pray. Faith. Seek. Eternity. Reconciliation. Purpose.
So, enough for the first sitting. I must find my scribbled notes to continue :-)
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
my funeral song:
Artist: Paisley Brad | Brad Paisley Sheet Music Brad Paisley CDs |
When I get where I'm going
on the far side of the sky.
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly.
I'm gonna land beside a lion,
and run my fingers through his mane.
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain
(Chorus:)
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.
I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left.
Then I'll hug his neck.
(Chorus)
So much pain and so much darkness,
in this world we stumble through.
All these questions, I can't answer,
so much work to do.
But when I get where I'm going,
and I see my Maker's face.
I'll stand forever in the light,
of His amazing grace.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
Hallelujah!
I will love and have no fear.
When I get where I'm going.
Yeah when I get where I'm going.
