After this past weekend and it's upheaval with my dear Angel, I am feeling keenly just how out of plumb my intrinsic thoughts, emotions, wishes, hopes, dreams, relationships, and spiritual walk is lately.
Looking outward? Well, I need to confess, I did my share of that too. What ancient truths have came to my fore, though, is that it is what's inside of ME that is attracting to me and radiating out of me. It's an inward condition, my own personal responsibilty.
Getting fed up with being in a position to have to admit, "I don't like who I am seeing reflected back to me from the mirrors into my Inner Being."
I was reminded of the scientific principle to a plumb line today at my Miami shipper. After reluctantly getting back in the driver's seat to return to work, I did an unusual thing. I agreed to convoy down there with one of my elders. I had an ESP that I needed his company and escort. Sure enough, it was downtown Miami in a rough neighborhood with an industrial section crammed into its tight spaces. Reminds me of Aspen Distribution on Vail Ave, Montebello, CA (eastern Los Angeles). Not a truck friendly area, predominantly poor Spanish people, that leaves me nervous if I have to stay roadside overnight. I don't speak Spanish. I can ask for Los Banos, but then don't understand the reply :)
At this shipper, the two docks go INTO the building about 15 feet. Gives a vertigo to back in and lose sight of my trailer doors until I feel a solid KER-THUMP as concrete meets metal in a teeth jarring experience. I am a GREAT truck driver. I backed in off that residential street, dodging mutts, cats, and threading the debris of cars of yesteryear, straight shot - right to the dock!! Yet, THREE TIMES a shrill whistle and waving, gesturing arms, accompanied by unintelligible Spanish hollering,,,, I was directed to pull up, realign, back in again.
No matter how straight my tractor, trailer was to itself, my elder trucking neighbor, the street or the side of the building??? There was a 8 inch gap on the right side of my trailer to the dock. I tried over and again to psyche my mind out, to park "out of angle". No luck. The building is off plumb line.
At last!!! A visualization of how I am feeling in my interaction with myself, with others, with my world I live in, and with my ineffable Spiritual connections.
Hmmmm..... get that last one in synch and the rest may line up? That just came clear as I type this.
I have been embroiled in a spiritual Erocylodon. Feeling like the nose of my Life's vessel has run aground, where things are simply done by rote memory, because that's the way they have always been done, all while the hinder part of my being is out in the Currents of Change. My self-walls, fortress, and foundations are being torn asunder with opposing spiritual and emotional integral forces.
Somewhere between a feisty pussy cat and a royally provoked lion, I am "becoming" someone new.
Change is good. No stranger to recreating my own Reality? I have been here too many times. I want to just "be good".... be worthy,, be of service, be loving, compassionate, and still yearn to be loved.
So, if I have wreaked any havoc or caused harm, while my personal "building" is being aligned into the "NEW PLUMB LINE"?
Please forgive me. How may I make amends?
In a search, I found info on Kinesiology. It explains that the Definition of Erect Posture is one where an individual is standing at attention or told to stand up straight. This posture needs conscious control. It holds a plumb line from ear lobe, tip of the sholuder, center of the hip and knee, and anterior to the ankle joint.
When all is said and done? My prayer for my personal character and integrity, is that I stand consciously in control of myself, erect, with an authentic, honest plumb line.
Please, anyone who finds this, by invitation or divine design, I implore you - HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE TO THIS HIGHER GOAL AND NECESSARY CHARACTER GROWTH.
So grateful. So humbled. So broken. So pliable in the Master's Hands.
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
