Letting Go I Win, Holding On I Lose

That title is old, coming from the LIFE CHANGING radically impacting podcast from Dr. Charles Stanley in his "Blessings in Brokeness" series June 2008.  That message stripped me naked, and allowed spiritual healing to fully begin. In a sense, they were my Walls of Jericho, and they sustained a mortar hit of cataclysmic proportions. 

The next phrase to hit me as strongly, in its Simple In Its Beauty- kind of way is "What am I holding onto that is no longer serving me?" 

Funny, how years apart and sources EXTREMELY varied, the same inner message is revisited and made new in its timelessness.

Letting Go...

This is an area, among many that I struggle with. A few segments would be the storage shed I keep of homemade Christmas ornaments, hand prints, and Play Doh hearts on strings.  Most everything points  to "back when I had a family".  Of course, I still have the same family members, even new faces.

After sitting all day at a shipper and being lazy, resting, I got up and felt led to some deeper meditations.  They were not new. But I was asked to treat them like it was the very first time.  Much as a Christian, we look back and remember our fervor, joy, and zeal in the "First Love" when we give our lives to God.

What I found there is challenging me.  At the moment, it has me raw, and a cross between a laugh and a cry.  It is not that there is work to do.  As long as I  breathe, I will have more that can be accomplished.  It is wrestling inside with feelings of frustration and of failure.  I SHOULD BE able to get closure and I SHOULD BE able to forgive and grow onward.

Yet, I am holding on. To negative thoughts. To old ways. To my past. To anchors that have become weights, no longer grounding me, but holding me down.

So, I write with a vex in my spirit, and no answer.

I know what I need to do.  I stand poised to act. And I back away,, and sit there, remaining in my confusion.

THe decision is mine. The choice is mine. The action to take is mine.

WHAT AM I HOLDING ON TO????

No answer,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~