Well, I finally got 3 hours of sleep in the middle of the day, evening. Then at 10:30pm, my alarm rang. I got up from a dead sleep to get dressed. The other driver would be here with my relay load any moment.
JUst the movement of vertigo from lying down to an upright position and I was sick all over the place!! Those medicines I take by injection each week are dastardly evil and often I can not take the anti-emitic if I am going to drive as it makes me drowsy.
On a scale of 1-10 the fever and pain tonight is a 7 or 8.
All my joints, not just my upper body are affected.
Then I lay back down fully dressed. Th edriver arrived about 11pm,, and I have been up fueling, connecting to the trailer, etc. Very nauseous, alot of pain,,, fatigue.
this wil be a rough night.
I have been practicing better breathing and feeling skills. Unfortunately,, not enough that they are the dominant habit yet. I can't get a grip on the pain or queasy ness.
I have to drive 350 miles to Miami immediately.
The load, once dropped and hooked to an empty trailer, I will be going to Sunrise to my culdesac, park my rig, switch to my car, go to the church,, then most likely, go to the truck, climb in bed and sleep like Rip Van Winkle.
On a differing note- I did make the effort to breathe (deliberately) ,,, and while I do not feel cured, I did find strength to look UP! The sky is clear, the stars very visible in all their formations.
I am grateful to be alive. at all. Each day is a gift. What will I give back in return?
My drive will consist of 6-7 hours of fervent prayers and interceding for others,,,, through this God sustains me as well. Focus wil be off of my body and its limitations, and on the greatness of allmighty, Sovereign God.
By concentrating on OTHERS I will feel better, more blessed, more gratitude, and less of the infirmities of this mortal and weary flesh.
GOD WILL HEAL ME!
I am alive!!!! I am able to work!! I am blessed with a job I love that seems tailored to my specific needs and schedule!!!! I even showered before I lay down to nap, so I COULD just tuck and roll ,,, and the shower 3 days in a row>?>?? I am grateful for the running water and hot temperatures, ended by the cool rinse.
This is already tomorrow,, at 12:01am, Friday,, I start my workday,,,,
Blessed and honored to be alive.
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Essence
I shall be at peace when the lion within can lie down with the lamb.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Is it a long day or a hard day when I am too tired to sleep, unsafe to stay awake?
While flattering to be the Lil' Darling of the terminal drivers, mechanics, and staff here in Jacksonville, it is also a bit of a burden.
I've noticed people that encounter me ask questions that can all fit in 3 categories, and the last one relates to the first.
1) Let's talk about our beliefs. Our faith. About the LORD.
2) Wanna go out with me?
3) Why are you always smiling? Every time I see you from across the Yard, I know it is you from your SMILE.
The head mechanic gave me his phone number today to call or text anytime. We were discussing if we are okay as men and women to go have wings & things together off-campus.
Kinda leery after JJ to mix work and personal life.
Eric did say something pretty cool that at least hinted to the man inside the uniform. He told me "right up front, I need to tell you I am separated. I haven't been with my wife in a year, but we are not divorced yet."
While, relationship wise that is a dead end RED FLAG, like I told him right back, "Eric, up front let me tell you, I am not dating you or anyone. If two friends want to go share a meal and fellowship, then that is fine. I however am content with my dog."
So he gave me the number. He wrote it down,,, so far, I have not put it into my phone. I could ask him to take me to dinner tonight, since I am here until 11pm waiting on a load to arrive.
However, I am going to be kinder to myself than that - - - -this lil darlin is going to bed in about 5 minutes!
While flattering to be the Lil' Darling of the terminal drivers, mechanics, and staff here in Jacksonville, it is also a bit of a burden.
I've noticed people that encounter me ask questions that can all fit in 3 categories, and the last one relates to the first.
1) Let's talk about our beliefs. Our faith. About the LORD.
2) Wanna go out with me?
3) Why are you always smiling? Every time I see you from across the Yard, I know it is you from your SMILE.
The head mechanic gave me his phone number today to call or text anytime. We were discussing if we are okay as men and women to go have wings & things together off-campus.
Kinda leery after JJ to mix work and personal life.
Eric did say something pretty cool that at least hinted to the man inside the uniform. He told me "right up front, I need to tell you I am separated. I haven't been with my wife in a year, but we are not divorced yet."
While, relationship wise that is a dead end RED FLAG, like I told him right back, "Eric, up front let me tell you, I am not dating you or anyone. If two friends want to go share a meal and fellowship, then that is fine. I however am content with my dog."
So he gave me the number. He wrote it down,,, so far, I have not put it into my phone. I could ask him to take me to dinner tonight, since I am here until 11pm waiting on a load to arrive.
However, I am going to be kinder to myself than that - - - -this lil darlin is going to bed in about 5 minutes!
I Must Declare
I can't fight this feeling any longer, Yet, I'm still afraid to let it flow. What started out as friendship has grown stronger. I only wish I had the strength to let it show.
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever. I say there is no reason for my fear.,'Cause I feel so secure when we're together. You give my life direction, you make eveything so clear.
Even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight. You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night. And I'm getting closer than I ever though I might.
Just gotta say it out loud, here and in the flesh with my voice, but IBD? I love you. I always have, always will. The fact that you love me, and that I can't take myself out of your love, does give me sustenance to carry on.
Even though we each resist successfully the sweetness of surrender, please know, you are dear to me and I am grateful you are in the threads of who I am and who I will be. I will never be able to succeed in the future without remembering the love and rock steady support you have girded me with.
When I conquer the evil, when I let light and purpose shine and glory, you my warrior, my Sir Isaac, will be found in the framework of my foundations. You've led me to a greater knowledge and acceptance of who Jesus is and his unconditional love,, even for unworthy lost fools like me.
Of all I have ever known or will meet, I realize that you cherish me. That means alot to know.
You are a majestic eagle, and I merely an ugly brown wren. But as Angel Bugs says, you are just a good man with a great God. Amen.
I do love you. That is why I do not lay a claim or connect to you in the only areas we have yet to explore. Let us keep our beauty and virtue where it stands now, blameless before an holy God.
My dear, you are true, I do belong in your embrace. And MAN! Do I wish we were able to stay in that joyous moment we experience when we connect and love together.
And when you sing, clear and annointed, yes my dear, you sing with the voice of an angel. Your accapella tones stride clear and pure. Your song breaks my heart to hear it, as I weep inside that I can not abide there and listen to you forever.
I love how the spirit in me, connects with the spirit in you. We can pray as two people side by side, and share one conversation with God as our center, each complementing each other in thought, words, and actions.
You ARE the measure of a man,,, and I will walk the rest of my life knowing that the guys that pass through either do not come up to where you are and the standard of a Godly man, or that I have settled for far less than either of us deserve.
I'd rather hold myself apart than to settle.... and so,,, like two ships passing in the night, I salute you and the beacon you are for me.
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever. I say there is no reason for my fear.,'Cause I feel so secure when we're together. You give my life direction, you make eveything so clear.
Even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight. You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night. And I'm getting closer than I ever though I might.
Just gotta say it out loud, here and in the flesh with my voice, but IBD? I love you. I always have, always will. The fact that you love me, and that I can't take myself out of your love, does give me sustenance to carry on.
Even though we each resist successfully the sweetness of surrender, please know, you are dear to me and I am grateful you are in the threads of who I am and who I will be. I will never be able to succeed in the future without remembering the love and rock steady support you have girded me with.
When I conquer the evil, when I let light and purpose shine and glory, you my warrior, my Sir Isaac, will be found in the framework of my foundations. You've led me to a greater knowledge and acceptance of who Jesus is and his unconditional love,, even for unworthy lost fools like me.
Of all I have ever known or will meet, I realize that you cherish me. That means alot to know.
You are a majestic eagle, and I merely an ugly brown wren. But as Angel Bugs says, you are just a good man with a great God. Amen.
I do love you. That is why I do not lay a claim or connect to you in the only areas we have yet to explore. Let us keep our beauty and virtue where it stands now, blameless before an holy God.
My dear, you are true, I do belong in your embrace. And MAN! Do I wish we were able to stay in that joyous moment we experience when we connect and love together.
And when you sing, clear and annointed, yes my dear, you sing with the voice of an angel. Your accapella tones stride clear and pure. Your song breaks my heart to hear it, as I weep inside that I can not abide there and listen to you forever.
I love how the spirit in me, connects with the spirit in you. We can pray as two people side by side, and share one conversation with God as our center, each complementing each other in thought, words, and actions.
You ARE the measure of a man,,, and I will walk the rest of my life knowing that the guys that pass through either do not come up to where you are and the standard of a Godly man, or that I have settled for far less than either of us deserve.
I'd rather hold myself apart than to settle.... and so,,, like two ships passing in the night, I salute you and the beacon you are for me.
If only I had the courage to turn my ship in to the shore, and give away my oars forever?
There has never been another for whom this song fulfills.
I love you.
click link below:
click link below:
Your Jan,
~J~
In Need
Please pray for me. I am one tired pup. Several days of 3-4 hours sleep at night. Today, have to flip. Was not able to drive due to fever today,, now I have to drive overnight.
I should go to sleep. but it is 4:40pm and clear blue skies. I have to drive 9pm-3am and then come right back up to Jacksonville to be in position for a load going South on Saturday. Otherwise, I won't be home for Sunday school. That is not an option.
Been a beautiful day weather wise. Also, spent tremendous hours in personal study and meditation on choices and direction.
Spoke to Angela several times today, so wonderful to be in this moment of our lives. Needing an Alisha and Jeremiah fix, but she works harder than I do.
something is "off" and not sure what.. maybe sleep will right the kilter??
Blessed,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
I should go to sleep. but it is 4:40pm and clear blue skies. I have to drive 9pm-3am and then come right back up to Jacksonville to be in position for a load going South on Saturday. Otherwise, I won't be home for Sunday school. That is not an option.
Been a beautiful day weather wise. Also, spent tremendous hours in personal study and meditation on choices and direction.
Spoke to Angela several times today, so wonderful to be in this moment of our lives. Needing an Alisha and Jeremiah fix, but she works harder than I do.
something is "off" and not sure what.. maybe sleep will right the kilter??
Blessed,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
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