Looking back, celebrating victories and discoveries, lamenting losses and failures, forgiving myself and others and seeking their forgiveness of me. Sometimes a sigh of regret of goals not met, fears not faced, hurdles not conquered. Other times, a spontaneous WHOOP of laughter or exultation for following through and championing the Impossible dream.
Of course, looking ahead. Always, daily, grateful I can close a day, breathe deeply, release fully and giving the day into hands and ways much more powerful than my own. New resolutions are not an annual occurrence for me. They are a continuous pruning, hewning, and shaping of myself and my shifting, honing goals for myself. I choose to grow and learn and make mistakes and explore. I HAVE to stay moving, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually to remain dynamic, vibrant and ALIVE!!
Yes, a new year is a marker of new slates, goals, plans, and expectations. I just don't make it my only outlet. In many ways, I live RIGHT NOW. Very spontaneous and always up for fun or new things. My goals do not frighten me when they are broken into smaller, bite size pieces. It's far more productive for me to SUCCEED several small times towards a bigger picture, than it is for me to get lost in the details and swamped my momentary setbacks. Rolling with the flow, so I don't disappoint myself and end up stopping, lost as to where to go from here.
I will concede that 2010 was MONUMENTAL and PIVOTAL in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!! I became aware of people in new and outstanding ways. I met some for the first time ever, reconnected with others, and deepened my walk with even more people. I've pushed back on the NUMBER of contacts and selectively surrounded my thought life, communications, and conversations with people that encourage me, nurture me, challenge me, inspire me, and support my life as it is this very second and what it is becoming in the near future. Also, carefully chosen and nurtured my support-network of motivators, advisers, and checkpoints.
Furthermore, I have widened myself to reaching others. I think I am beginning to hear words such as "aura". I dunno about all of that, but I am becoming more in tune with the spiritual world, specifically, The Spirit of God. He leads me to friends and to strangers and directs my words, thoughts, actions. God has invested much in me by way of Life Experiences and is now calling them to action to assist others. He pours blessings of finances, knowledge, revelations, health, and sensitivity into me and I channel it back out as fast as I can to the lost, the wounded, the lonely, the hurting, the drifting peoples of the world around me.
2010 saw me reach an exhaustion point in my own life. I had to call a halt and take months off to heal in all ways. I had to stop all activities and wait on God to redirect my life. Much as a toy or model train set races in circles, chasing its tail, it occasionally jumps the track and lays on its side, wheels still spinning, stack still smoking. It takes a reset. A Conductor to lift it right again and realign its wheels on the tracks at a specified junction. Same concept. I had to sleep until my body and God healed much of myself. Then as I began to stir and stretch gingerly to see what needs attention right now, God moved obstacles and opened doors.
Then from about September to Present, I have been completely awakened to new and bigger offerings of the spiritual world. A combination of inputs from unexpected sources, I am zipping through a new learning curve like the cart on the Space Mountain roller coaster. Like the ride at Disney, I am THRILLED to be here and am seeking the opportunities to to put myself in places and paths to learn, grow, mature, explore, and heal.
If God moves His sovereign hand tonight? I will not reject healing or enlightenment. If he offers me 2011 and sends me to continue my quest for knowledge, revelation, understanding and service? Then He will give me grace and ability to go through each lesson.
I am excited to see what is already within me, patiently awaiting my discovery and release of self-imposed bondage. I am trembling with excitement to see where the new ways and ideas will take me next.
Eager to serve others and God more fully and with greater compassion, gifts, and bounty. I KNOW HE HAS GREATNESS IN STORE!
Ready to close this letter, wind down, meditate (ahhh,, the BEST gifts of 2010 was to find my BREATH and MEDITATION) and fall asleep knowing I have done my best today, I hold no ill, and I am thankful for everything. I've researched and previewed the details to my last gift to me of 2010- - - Conquering the wind.
Invigorated by the Journey,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
