It seems like I have been in a holding pattern for a very long time. Relationships, career, home, health, and the ever present niggling reminders that I am not getting younger all made small minute shifts over the last decade, and then leveled off to a complacent grumble. 2010 was amazing in that I discovered my breath, deliberate choice and the flow of giving vs. receiving. Today is the first of Fall 2011 and I would say this is an exciting season brimming with possibilities.
One lesson I learned by watching others was to clear space in my life. I experienced the release of letting go of what is no longer serving me. I saw respected friends clear their home of excess or give it all away and lean out, trusting God to catch them. When I was ready, I cleared my contacts list, and have made it a point to revisit regularly if the person should remain on my list. I am preparing myself mentally to sort my two storage sheds and consolidate. I made decisions regarding job offers and made excellence in service my trademark.
Then in August and September I took another trip to see my daughter and grandsons in Colorado. It was a wonderful visit. I try very hard to not hold expectations. Instead, I coach myself to remain flexible, grateful, hopeful, and to conduct myself as an ambassador of peace. With prior spiritual and emotional affirmations, I went there to embrace love, gratitude, forgiveness and to enjoy every second. I was careful not to judge the time or anyone, but to be in a peaceful place of acceptance.
The return to work and to Florida was not the same vein as in previous trip followups. I ended up out of work not earning money, forced to spend money on lodging and food for weeks altogther before, during and after my trip. I like to plan my life..... but WOW! LIFE HAPPENED!
Yes, I was stressed with worrying. But early on, I caught myself and I took deep, deliberate breaths and I decided that to be true to myself? I needed to remain optimistic and have faith in God, not in me.
The rest and restoration was as necessary as it was unexpected. When I did return to work? The slow pace seemed to dog me, and I had to surrender again. Again. And again.
It was somewhere in these last months of shift, correction, and submission that my Process began to pay me dividends. Suddenly, I met new people. Men and women came into my life and some of them gave me a message for that moment, but some of them are developing roots and foundation alongside me on my Journey. I welcome the newcomers and celebrate these gifts of new friends, new relationships, new precious lives and find I am eager to start the new day to see where we travel today?
Also, I do not maintain a residence. I went many months of not getting a hotel room on my break times from work or responsibility for my equipment. Once I began getting a hotel? Well, the running water, quiet rooms, and spacious decor wooed me. I began to wonder if I should get an apartment, only to be reminded that South Florida is EXTREMELY high cost of living compared to the rest of the state!!! I do not want to rent a room and share bathrooms or common areas. I need the clear space to relax into when I take time off my intense work schedule and service to others.
The day of rest and time to recharge my batteries became evident as important keys to my continued improved health and attitudes.
Then, when I had decided to postpone paying for a place?? Out of the blue, a 2 bedroom, 1 bath house on one acre of land became available to me. It includes an additional efficiency apartment and is in a secure and safe suburban area. I can set up my bedroom, kitchen, bathroom etc... and still be able to set apart a room in the house consecrated to worship, praise, communion with God and spiritual pursuits. I can dance, sing, and freely pray or study in space that fits me. WOW!!!
I will also be able to close the drain of one storage unit. The new place will have adequate storage for boat, car, semi truck, SCUBA gear, and motorcycle (now I'm dreaming of the future, lol). I may be able to visit with Addy more often and renew my relationship with my faithful hound,
Also, I have options of new jobs, new positions at work, or new pay opportunities.
ALL OF THIS CAME ABOUT *AFTER* I RELINQUISHED THE NEED TO CONTROL AND KNOW EVERY DETAIL UP FRONT.
I stopped planning for God, and started letting Him direct my paths. Yes, I know, it took me long enough!
If the home idea works out? If any of the new people stay and the friendship and roles deepen? I will be grateful. Today, I am humbly brimming with gratitude and so curious what is just around the bend in the road. Leaning on God and Life, I am doing my part to show up, dressed and ready to flow. Very aware that money, fame or things will not complete me, I am experiencing a river of gifts from God. Receiving and giving with an incessant flow of blessings and provision, my personal bounty is overflowing and I can not pay it out fast enough. Beautiful Life.
My health, future, finances and relationships that are dear to me are in much bigger, more powerful hands than mine. I trust God to be everything for Angel and her family, Alisha and her family, and for my relatives or friends along the way. There's a peace in my valley.
Excited and changing,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Essence
I shall be at peace when the lion within can lie down with the lamb.
