Essence
I shall be at peace when the lion within can lie down with the lamb.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Angel and Aaron's "Good Moment"
Oops, I was a slacker. I forgot to call Angel to say I arrived safely. So she calls me this morning, not thinking about the time zone difference. I have lost my voice finally from the cold, so after I croaked out a recap of my day and of the meeting with Alisha, Angel redirected the conversation.
I try not to think much about Aaron. Or Tony. It's not just that "no man can be good enough for my little girls". That is a part of it. Both couples met when each were still young in early high school if not before. So I know their families. I know their histories. Aaron even lived with me in his early 20's as one of the young people I took in to get them on track to being self-sustaining and responsible. That didn't end well with him, as he was disrespectful to all authority at that point of his life, and had violent tendencies that concerned me.
Angel recounted a conversation between her and Aaron recently that touched me and has softened my heart towards him some. They got married July 25, 2010 on the anniversary of the 8th year of the day they met. She explained that one of their strong points as a couple has always been that they were best friends, before they dated. Then even in times of taking time apart, they remained, best friends.
One night though, they began to discuss how each had gone in to marriage with the expectations of what would change for their interactions, and what would stay the same? She says he is not treating her badly, but there are certain things she had gone in desiring of her husband.
His response is what made me laugh. "Honey, you have been reading too many of those books. That's just crazy. You have built up a fairy tale that I can not live up to."
Angel explained that the message actually came from Isaac. His persuasion that the woman is to be the Gift to the man, not the other way around. Aaron responded well to that, because, after all, it was Isaac they sought out as a couple to perform their wedding ceremony. They didn't have their pastor do it, or a Justice of the Peace... it was ALWAYS,,, for 8 years when they first began musing as 16 & 18 years old kids,, it was ALWAYS going to be Isaac as their minister.
So, she taught him the lessons from Isaac. What is cool, is that they were able to sit down,, after a few months of being married and talk it out. Instead of internalizing their disappointments,, or perhaps,, less severe, their disillusions. They could do a status check, and be open to tell the other what they need that they are not getting from the marriage, as well as share what is going GREAT and ABUNDANT in the shifting roles!!
Aaron thoughtfully told her, "But I thought since I was providing the roof over your head and food on your table, it may not be much but it was always there, that you KNEW how much I love you because that was me SHOWING you."
Again!! Props to Aaron for speaking out loud!! Angel and I both in today's phone call simultaneously said, "THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES"!!! And she giggled and said, "yes, PRECISELY another book!",,, and she reminded Aaron in their conversation that it had been a part of the recommended reading in their pre-marital counselling.
To me??? I am touched and moved that Aaron DOES cherish MY DAUGHTER enough to sit down,, and I can actually picture them sitting in a very nurturing, bonding way,, very,,,, ummm... not only being transparent,,, very..... vulnerably unguarded (??????) way (geez,, I can usually find a word for something,, i botched that one)....
....but they sat down,,, and used "I" messages and allowed truth to have a voice. It just seems healthy and healing to me,, before there is a much more sad or regretting issue later.
Like she said, a strong point being that they are still best friends. So my estimation of him went up alot today. I conceded before they married, that he wasn't the same cretin that kicked and fussed at my house a five years back. Aaron has also grown into a man... and sounds like he is still willing to be the best partner to my daughter that he can be. And she responds to him as well.
I'm enjoying the relationship that Angel and I have at this moment in Time. We can share these conversations. They are intellectual, because I read the books along side of her so we COULD talk it out. They are emotional because we know what buttons to push. They are spiritual because it is also an example of many people, many styles, many petitions of prayers for God's best for each of them as individuals BEFORE and also after marital union.
I am just blessed to be where I am with each of my daughters. It was not an over night success. No fairy tale here. Alot of hard work. And infinite amounts of love and tender concerns for ANOTHER outside of our individual selves.
I see beauty here. Raw and strong and powerful. In marital relationships as well as familial.
What a gift of second, third, and many more chances God is. Demonstration of how the fruits of the Spirit really do operate if we get out of our own way and let them.
Humbled and grateful, with a loving heart,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
I try not to think much about Aaron. Or Tony. It's not just that "no man can be good enough for my little girls". That is a part of it. Both couples met when each were still young in early high school if not before. So I know their families. I know their histories. Aaron even lived with me in his early 20's as one of the young people I took in to get them on track to being self-sustaining and responsible. That didn't end well with him, as he was disrespectful to all authority at that point of his life, and had violent tendencies that concerned me.
Angel recounted a conversation between her and Aaron recently that touched me and has softened my heart towards him some. They got married July 25, 2010 on the anniversary of the 8th year of the day they met. She explained that one of their strong points as a couple has always been that they were best friends, before they dated. Then even in times of taking time apart, they remained, best friends.
One night though, they began to discuss how each had gone in to marriage with the expectations of what would change for their interactions, and what would stay the same? She says he is not treating her badly, but there are certain things she had gone in desiring of her husband.
His response is what made me laugh. "Honey, you have been reading too many of those books. That's just crazy. You have built up a fairy tale that I can not live up to."
Angel explained that the message actually came from Isaac. His persuasion that the woman is to be the Gift to the man, not the other way around. Aaron responded well to that, because, after all, it was Isaac they sought out as a couple to perform their wedding ceremony. They didn't have their pastor do it, or a Justice of the Peace... it was ALWAYS,,, for 8 years when they first began musing as 16 & 18 years old kids,, it was ALWAYS going to be Isaac as their minister.
Aaron thoughtfully told her, "But I thought since I was providing the roof over your head and food on your table, it may not be much but it was always there, that you KNEW how much I love you because that was me SHOWING you."
Again!! Props to Aaron for speaking out loud!! Angel and I both in today's phone call simultaneously said, "THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES"!!! And she giggled and said, "yes, PRECISELY another book!",,, and she reminded Aaron in their conversation that it had been a part of the recommended reading in their pre-marital counselling.
To me??? I am touched and moved that Aaron DOES cherish MY DAUGHTER enough to sit down,, and I can actually picture them sitting in a very nurturing, bonding way,, very,,,, ummm... not only being transparent,,, very..... vulnerably unguarded (??????) way (geez,, I can usually find a word for something,, i botched that one)....
Like she said, a strong point being that they are still best friends. So my estimation of him went up alot today. I conceded before they married, that he wasn't the same cretin that kicked and fussed at my house a five years back. Aaron has also grown into a man... and sounds like he is still willing to be the best partner to my daughter that he can be. And she responds to him as well.
I'm enjoying the relationship that Angel and I have at this moment in Time. We can share these conversations. They are intellectual, because I read the books along side of her so we COULD talk it out. They are emotional because we know what buttons to push. They are spiritual because it is also an example of many people, many styles, many petitions of prayers for God's best for each of them as individuals BEFORE and also after marital union.
I am just blessed to be where I am with each of my daughters. It was not an over night success. No fairy tale here. Alot of hard work. And infinite amounts of love and tender concerns for ANOTHER outside of our individual selves.
I see beauty here. Raw and strong and powerful. In marital relationships as well as familial.
What a gift of second, third, and many more chances God is. Demonstration of how the fruits of the Spirit really do operate if we get out of our own way and let them.
Humbled and grateful, with a loving heart,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
What Time Is It?
Awesome... simply awesome to see Alisha. Her work was slamming, so she acknowledged me and I went to sit it out. I just looked away,, and as a mother can, I honed in on her voice in the millieu and just let it roll across my senses in wonder. Then I heard magical words, "Hey! Can one of you guys take this for awhile?" She came from the back and we went out to her car.
I wasn't sure what the weekend would bring. With her working until 0100mdt, I was going to say let's hang out after breakfast tomorrow,, and then have her go home early Saturday night and get some sleep. Then we could go anywhere she wanted to on Sunday, even tourist things, my treat.
Alisha had thoughts things out to suggest to me too. She has errands to run, would I go along with them? She wants to take me out to eat tomorrow, and rest more on Sunday. So,,, we are sleeping in and meeting up at 11am to spend Saturday hanging out!
I had debated about getting a hotel. Finances aside, I am not doing great in my health today. My BP was 185 / 125 and I felt every effect of that!!! Alot of pain, and I didn't try to go with little food or drink, but looking back,, that's what I did. So, Alisha and Pastor both think I should get a hotel. I did.
Landed across the street from Saturday's meet point. As I was checking in, I struck up conversation with the hotel owner and the older lady training for front desk clerk. I asked about the sign for the indoor heated pool and jacuzzi, she confirmed, yes, it closes at 10pm,,, it was 9:40pm as I checked in.
We talked about my being a night auditor 4 years, and about how this is CO slow season, but in FL it is the high season. They gave me a kingsize bed,, HUGE room,,, at a tremendous discount,, then the owner asked me, "Would you still like to go sit in the hot tub? I will go lock you in the pool room, and you can stay in until 11pm so you can relax from your long day."
BOY!!! I jumped at that!!! PRIVACY,, pool and hot tub to myself, indoors! I have swim trunks that I use for pajamas,, I didnt have any scruffy shirts,, so I just chose the lesser one,, and I gotta confess,,, I was in HEAVEN!!!!
Alternating hot tub and cool pool???? in the pool doing stretches and resistance,, in the hot tub, angling the jets to hit me in perfect spots!!! All you wellness people are aware of the benefits of reflexology, I am sure?? Both hand and foot massage and pressure points affecting all the operating systems and organs of the body?? So i specifically targetted hands and feet into the jets,,,
I am as limp as a piece of thread.... ahhhhh....
The phone rang, I didn't know if it would be Alisha? The caller ID heralded it as one of the ladys I mentor... and with a sigh I answered it. It dawned on me AFTER we talked a long time,, that it was past midnight where she is in SoFL,, and 10pm in Colorado....
She is one of the people I almost dread talking to,,, she takes EVERYTHING I say and twists it,, so by the time she repeats it and says "OK, I got it, thanks" she doesn't have anything at all approximating the words or meaning I used. It now sounds good to her, to justify her actions, which were troubling her in the first place,,,,
So for last few months I have been turning it back to her,, asking her what can she do to settle the issue at hand? What is she looking for? Trying to get her to say for herself what she is REALLY up to,, rather than have her roll her eyes at me and do what she wanted to in the first place.
almost 30 minutes later? I had phone to my ear, sitting in the hot tub,, and finally I asked to go for now.
She is likely going to seek her answers in people,, specifically in men... and she will say to me, to her kids, to Pastor, to all who approach her, "What?! Don't you want me to be happy?".
Yeah, but like I told her tonight,, if you go into anything unhappy yourself, you attract unhappy,,, then its two or more of you in the pits. What then? A season at best with nothing to sustain it?
If you are unhappy and they are happy, one of you will draw the other one.
If you are happy, and they are happy,,,,, then you approach as complete individuals and can share common grounds from there.
Well, by the time she repeated it back to me? She skirted that she was talking about dating (she 's only separated from her husband of 20 years, not divorced! HELLO!) and said she understood because she finds happy people to be with at work. Not the same topic, milady,,, but okay,, tonight, Jan is too limp to stay on track.
Very relaxed,, if I go to bed now?? Will be 3rd day in a row I get 8-12 hours of sleep in one shot. That sounds like plan. Please, let my BP go down!!
I hope the baby is in bed when A gets to her home and that she can unwind from her two jobs today suffiiciently to get some rest herself.
I have so many blessings... so much to be grateful for,,, so much to give,,, a glimpse of a gentle peace...
Goodnight,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
I wasn't sure what the weekend would bring. With her working until 0100mdt, I was going to say let's hang out after breakfast tomorrow,, and then have her go home early Saturday night and get some sleep. Then we could go anywhere she wanted to on Sunday, even tourist things, my treat.
Alisha had thoughts things out to suggest to me too. She has errands to run, would I go along with them? She wants to take me out to eat tomorrow, and rest more on Sunday. So,,, we are sleeping in and meeting up at 11am to spend Saturday hanging out!
I had debated about getting a hotel. Finances aside, I am not doing great in my health today. My BP was 185 / 125 and I felt every effect of that!!! Alot of pain, and I didn't try to go with little food or drink, but looking back,, that's what I did. So, Alisha and Pastor both think I should get a hotel. I did.
Landed across the street from Saturday's meet point. As I was checking in, I struck up conversation with the hotel owner and the older lady training for front desk clerk. I asked about the sign for the indoor heated pool and jacuzzi, she confirmed, yes, it closes at 10pm,,, it was 9:40pm as I checked in.
We talked about my being a night auditor 4 years, and about how this is CO slow season, but in FL it is the high season. They gave me a kingsize bed,, HUGE room,,, at a tremendous discount,, then the owner asked me, "Would you still like to go sit in the hot tub? I will go lock you in the pool room, and you can stay in until 11pm so you can relax from your long day."
BOY!!! I jumped at that!!! PRIVACY,, pool and hot tub to myself, indoors! I have swim trunks that I use for pajamas,, I didnt have any scruffy shirts,, so I just chose the lesser one,, and I gotta confess,,, I was in HEAVEN!!!!
Alternating hot tub and cool pool???? in the pool doing stretches and resistance,, in the hot tub, angling the jets to hit me in perfect spots!!! All you wellness people are aware of the benefits of reflexology, I am sure?? Both hand and foot massage and pressure points affecting all the operating systems and organs of the body?? So i specifically targetted hands and feet into the jets,,,
I am as limp as a piece of thread.... ahhhhh....
The phone rang, I didn't know if it would be Alisha? The caller ID heralded it as one of the ladys I mentor... and with a sigh I answered it. It dawned on me AFTER we talked a long time,, that it was past midnight where she is in SoFL,, and 10pm in Colorado....
She is one of the people I almost dread talking to,,, she takes EVERYTHING I say and twists it,, so by the time she repeats it and says "OK, I got it, thanks" she doesn't have anything at all approximating the words or meaning I used. It now sounds good to her, to justify her actions, which were troubling her in the first place,,,,
So for last few months I have been turning it back to her,, asking her what can she do to settle the issue at hand? What is she looking for? Trying to get her to say for herself what she is REALLY up to,, rather than have her roll her eyes at me and do what she wanted to in the first place.
almost 30 minutes later? I had phone to my ear, sitting in the hot tub,, and finally I asked to go for now.
She is likely going to seek her answers in people,, specifically in men... and she will say to me, to her kids, to Pastor, to all who approach her, "What?! Don't you want me to be happy?".
Yeah, but like I told her tonight,, if you go into anything unhappy yourself, you attract unhappy,,, then its two or more of you in the pits. What then? A season at best with nothing to sustain it?
If you are unhappy and they are happy, one of you will draw the other one.
If you are happy, and they are happy,,,,, then you approach as complete individuals and can share common grounds from there.
Well, by the time she repeated it back to me? She skirted that she was talking about dating (she 's only separated from her husband of 20 years, not divorced! HELLO!) and said she understood because she finds happy people to be with at work. Not the same topic, milady,,, but okay,, tonight, Jan is too limp to stay on track.
Very relaxed,, if I go to bed now?? Will be 3rd day in a row I get 8-12 hours of sleep in one shot. That sounds like plan. Please, let my BP go down!!
I hope the baby is in bed when A gets to her home and that she can unwind from her two jobs today suffiiciently to get some rest herself.
I have so many blessings... so much to be grateful for,,, so much to give,,, a glimpse of a gentle peace...
Goodnight,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
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