Angel and Aaron's "Good Moment"

Oops, I was a slacker.  I forgot to call Angel to say I arrived safely. So she calls me this morning, not thinking about the time zone difference.  I have lost my voice finally from the cold, so after I croaked out a recap of my day and of the meeting with Alisha, Angel redirected the conversation.

I try not to think much about Aaron. Or Tony.  It's not just that "no man can be good enough for my little girls". That is a part of it.  Both couples met when each were still young in early high school if not before.  So I know their families. I know their histories. Aaron even lived with me in his early 20's as one of the  young people I took in to get them on track to being self-sustaining and responsible.  That didn't end well with him, as he was disrespectful to all authority at that point of his life, and had violent tendencies that concerned me.

Angel recounted a conversation between her and Aaron recently that touched me and has softened my heart towards him some. They got married July 25, 2010 on the anniversary of the 8th year of the day they met.  She explained that one of their strong points as a couple has always been that they were best friends, before they dated. Then even in times of taking time apart, they remained, best friends.

One night though, they began to discuss how each had gone in to marriage with the expectations of what would change for their interactions, and what would stay the same?   She says he is not treating her badly, but there are certain things she had gone in desiring of her husband.

His response is what made me laugh. "Honey, you have been reading too many of those books.  That's just crazy. You have built up a fairy tale that I can not live up to."

Angel explained that the message actually came from Isaac. His persuasion that the woman is to be the Gift to the man, not the other way around.  Aaron responded well to that, because, after all, it was Isaac they sought out as a couple to perform their wedding ceremony. They didn't have their pastor do it, or a Justice of the Peace... it was ALWAYS,,, for 8 years when they first began musing as 16 & 18 years old kids,, it was ALWAYS going to be Isaac as their minister.

So, she taught him the lessons from Isaac.  What is cool, is that they were able to sit down,, after a few months of being married and talk it out. Instead of internalizing their disappointments,, or perhaps,, less severe, their disillusions.  They could do a status check, and be open to tell the other what they need that they are not getting from the marriage, as well as share what is going GREAT and ABUNDANT  in the shifting roles!!

Aaron thoughtfully told her, "But I thought since I was providing the roof over your head and food on your table, it may not be much but it was always there, that you KNEW how much I love you because that was me SHOWING you."

Again!! Props to Aaron for speaking out loud!!  Angel and I both in today's phone call simultaneously said, "THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES"!!!   And she giggled and said, "yes, PRECISELY another book!",,, and she reminded Aaron in their conversation that it had been a part of the recommended reading in their pre-marital counselling.

To me???  I am touched and moved that Aaron DOES cherish MY DAUGHTER enough to sit down,, and I can actually picture them sitting in a very nurturing, bonding way,, very,,,, ummm... not only being  transparent,,, very..... vulnerably unguarded (??????)  way   (geez,, I can usually find a word for something,, i botched that one)....

....but they sat down,,, and used "I" messages and allowed truth to have a voice.  It just seems healthy and healing to me,, before there is a much more sad or regretting issue later.

Like she said, a strong point  being that they are still best friends.  So my estimation of him went up alot today.  I conceded before they married, that he wasn't the same cretin that kicked and fussed at my house a five years back.   Aaron has also grown into a man... and sounds like he is still willing to be the best partner to my daughter that he can be.  And she responds to him as well.

I'm enjoying the relationship that Angel and I have at this moment in Time.  We can share these conversations. They are intellectual, because I read the books along side of her so we COULD talk it out.  They are emotional because we know what buttons to push. They are spiritual because it is also an example of many people, many styles, many petitions of prayers for God's best for each of them as individuals BEFORE and also after marital union.

I am just blessed to be where I am with each of my daughters.  It was not an over night success. No fairy tale here. Alot of hard work. And infinite amounts of love and tender concerns for ANOTHER outside of our individual selves.

I see beauty here. Raw and strong and powerful.  In marital relationships as well as familial.

What a gift of second, third, and many more chances God is.  Demonstration of how the fruits of the Spirit really do operate if we get out of our own way and let them.

Humbled and grateful, with a loving heart,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~