It has been an interesting time lately. Feeling led to sit to write a note to say that all is well and that I am okay. I sense a need in me to give thanks, see the rainbows and pause to smell the lilies of the fields.
One of my roles as a person has me gravitating to being the Go-To guy. I am the oldest in my family. I am the mom and Nana. I mentor a continuous thread of dear people. I train and recruit. I am the rescue 911 driver in the trucking business. I am head of household.
This has me wondering how to be the best in all I do? Trying many combinations, some things work better than others. This past month has been a season of slowing down, whether I wanted to or not. I found refuge in my faith and solace in the quiet. After the initial shock of sudden cease of forward motion and chattering clamor? The heartbeat of pleasant silence surrounded me like a mother’s womb. Soon, I found myself resting in God and trusting him to take me where he designed me to attend. What peace to just let go, fall, and believe.
Even though I am tentatively moving out into the stream of life surging around me again, I still feel the effects of the solitude, rest and restoration gained while I shut out the world for days that turned into weeks. Eager to work and continue in Life, I am also sensitive to the cues around me to be quiet, still, and patient. And trust me, all of the last 3 are quite a chore for me!
For every concern I could name? I can quickly find the blessing in it. Yes, my parents have a tree breaking one limb at a time and tearing holes through their house. Yet, no one has been injured and my Dad is a handy man. Yes, I was out of work a very long time and forced to rest. But hey, I had a motel room every night that I needed it and all the amenities of bed and running water. This list could go on for many pages, but suffice it to say, I am inspired by how Life is turning out to be quite capable of turning on its own course. Thankful for the balance that God chooses of solitude, company and interactions.
Recently I rode out a severe South Florida thunderstorm on the beach, wrapped in a bedsheet and praying to not be struck by lightning. When the threat rumbled away, I enjoyed the cool clingy dampness of muddy sugar sand caressing my bare feet, flexing, filling the space. Later my footsteps rolled across warm asphalt, steaming across a parking lot. The simple notice of the senses of touch, smell, sound, taste, and sight just filled my being with joy and gladness to be experiencing this very moment in this exact time. No one else felt or saw the rain on my face quite like I did. I surely had the entire beach alone as far as my eyes could see.
Choosing to take the down times as opportunities to write, my every being is grateful for the intellect to search for words to express my heart and soul. There is freedom here. It is a gift to have time to write. I have been gentle with myself in this recent bout of Process and have been tenderly sorting my wishes, hopes, and dreams. I am determined to champion all that is GOOD and RIGHT instead of giving attention to what may be lacking or wrong.
I am definitely celebrating the lives of myself, my girls, family and friends, and I am not judging them or placing limits on God in their lives.
This season set apart does not seem to be a calling to brokenness. This time it feels like an expectant pause, a pregnant miracle, growing, developing, maturing. I have had extremely potent bursts of clarity, energy, pure divine revelation and an excess of hunger for the fullness of the present moment. I am here in this place for a reason. There is gratitude that wells up in me for this new direction, vision and hope.
Resting, listening, in the calm that comes when the clamor ceases, I am beginning to be sensitive again to hear the still, small voice of calm.
Attentively listening,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
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