Going Through Old Letters I Found This....

You WILL BE VICTORIOUS!! IN JESUS' NAME!!!

Pastor

On Sat, Nov 8, 2008 at 8:08 PM, Jan wrote:
Pastor Hattabaugh,
This will be the last letter I send for awhile.
8 November 2008, Saturday
St. Clair, Missouri
Alisha – Truth- - For Awhile

AWHILE
For awhile, I am going to drop off the internet scene. I am closing myself in. Getting shut away with God, taking hold of the horns of the altar in a death grip that says "I won't let you go until you bless me!!!!!!!!!" After this letter, I am beginning a fresh communications fast. I don't have a clear direction from God yet as to just how long this one will last. The one after Conference was only supposed to be 3 days , until I failed miserably on the first day and it became 4 days with a modified food fast too. This means no new email from me, no more Facebook or Myspace,,, not sure about journaling. Anything you wish to send to me,, will be there waiting for me when I return. You will still be able to keep up with me via checks in the mail.

I will not be looking up a church for Sunday either.

Simply tired of something having a hold on me. My past? The Present? The Future? Whether it is the enemy holding me 10 feet underwater upside down,, strangling me? Or God withholding directions and blessings from me until he gets through to my my hard head? Whatever it is, I am sick of being "HELD". I am gonna get serious with God.

I have no choice.
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ALISHA

Angel reminded me today of a few things. Not to let Ole be a stumbling block. Ole will not return mine or Angel's phone calls. I can see mine.. but Angel his daughter? Is he just busy? A jerk? Or does he have an arrangement with Alisha that he can be in her loop if he keeps Angel and I in the dark?

Also, not to let Alisha be a stumbling block. It is their right to decide to shut us out. Up to us how it affects us. Also of the dreams she and I were given of God separately back in August. Alisha is not either one of ours. She doesn't "belong" to me as a daughter or to Angel as a Sister. She is blood bought, purchased by God to himself, she is his, not ours. Jesus stands to lose a whole lot more in Alisha's rejection than we do.

So, I have updated my status on myspace. That way if Alisha looks me up again,, and is preparing another nasty letter to me,,, she will see quiet words of strength, from my heart. The reference to "Meet In The Middle" is a song that Lewis and I played for both girls once upon a better time, and we had a group hug and a long evening of dancing and holding each other close,,, bonding. It is a country song that simply says, "I'd start walking your way, You'd start walking mine, We'd meet in the middle 'neath that old Georgia pine, We'd gain a lot of ground, 'cause we'd both give a little, There ain't no road too long, when you meet in the middle."
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TRUTH

The areas I will be focusing on:
1) My salvation and place with God. Sorry, but for once I have to be selfish and make this my number one priority.
2) My family to include parents and brother. Angel (& Aaron). Alisha (& Tony & ???).
3) The ministry and the churches and the families I have met so far since June nationwide.
4) Lost souls.
5) The breakthrough I keep getting laid hands on for. I have got to have an answer.
6) Loneliness and hopelessness. Especially here during the holiday season.

Questions to filter everything that I allow back into my life when I emerge from this season:

A) Is it edifying?

B) Does it glorify God?

C) Is it necessary?

D) Will it matter in 20 years?

E) Is it worth it?

F) Will it hinder me or anyone else in walking with God in a way that pleases him?

G) Am I being a good steward? Time, money, talents, abilities, energy?

H) Is it in proper proportions? Moderation?

I) Does it line up with the Bible?

I am broken of heart.


I possess a contrite spirit.


I am weary of fighting.


I am sick of my own stubborn self will and self determination stealing perfect joy and surrender in Christ.


I can't seem to get out of my own way.


I am desperate for answers. Peace. Guidance.


I am vulnerable and afraid.


I am going to boldly approach the throne of grace.


I will humbly present my body a living sacrifice.


I am standing on the solidness of God's unchanging WORD and Nature.


I will be victorious.

My request to you is that you pray for me. Thank you for your time, understanding, and prayers.
JAN OLSEN
~J~
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Ralph Waldo Emerson