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The above quote was used in my favorite TV series. I watch archives online since I do not often have access to current programming. I enjoy this show and watch several episodes at once. I still believe that the Good Guys triumph :-) At least in Hollywood :-)
Even while relaxing, I am aware and with all my senses I am living today. Riding with and experiencing every feeling.
A few minutes ago, Eric, the lead mechanic told me that he can not ever see me having a bad day. How odd of a thing for someone to say. It rains on the just and the unjust alike. I explained that when dark times come, I just don't choose to stay there very long. I learn what I was brought to be endued with, and push to move through it, and on back into the light tantalizing just ahead.
If I made a list? There is a horrific and atrocious column of the depravity and black, sinful nature of mankind. Crimes I have committed, and many enacted out upon me.
Across from that list, is notations of the lessons I learned. The skills I picked up. The way I encouraged myself and outgrew the injustices.
It is a mindset. I REFUSE to be a "victim" or a "survivor".
Nay, I am an OVERCOMER and triumphant, having waged war with the good and the evil that fluctuate around me from birth to death, and coming out the other side loving, warm, breathing, forgiving, and ever-optimistic. Looking for the inherent good in mankind.
If evil silences my song, extinguishes my light, muffles my hope? Then it wins.
I am determined to sing, to dance, to beam as a lighthouse beacon, and to roar with Purpose and passion and desire!!!
Do you ever listen to the background soundtrack in a TV show or movie? Not the highlighted songs where the hero and damsel dance under the stars while fireworks twinkle overhead. Rather the underlying mood-inducers.... the pulse, or tease, or race,, or throb,, or soothe,,, all stimulated by the sense of sound. Leading the way in expectation,,, setting the transition,,,, bursting into exhultation... pining for a loss...
I hear that on a day to day basis all around me. Everchanging. Always adapting. Moving to inner music, the outer influences, the chosen self-dialogue (yes, I answer myself too, lol).
If I am odd that I hear MUSIC in waking or sleeping moments? then let me stand out as EXTREMELY odd... I wouldn't trade my song for anything.
Nor will I let it be silenced, muted, or diminished.
In the oft-quoted wise words of Abraham Lincoln: "Whatever you are, be a good one."
So, Eric, what do you think about me now? Why do you like me above other drivers? It's not a relationship thing, in the usual man-woman way.... I am in your path to show you how to look up and out,, and past the darkness. If I was sent here to show you how to light the way for yourself? Then let me deliver that message.
Because, yes, friend, I do have bad days. Or portions of them anyway. It is how I conduct myself in trial or adversity, and how I treat others, and how I finish that will be the measure of this woman.
I take your observation as a compliment Also a solemn charge to continue being a light, a ray, to radiating love and joy,,,, for I AM being watched and therefore held accountable. To whom much is given, much is required.
It is my joy to serve, to give, to teach, to lead, to inspire, to encourage, to empathize, to have faith in my fellows.
May I never forget my Calling. One day, may I submit my own stubborn self-will fully and follow that passion that burns in my chest and mind. That lights my eyes with blazing sparkle and bounces my my step, when my body hurts like hell and is weary from this life. I am set apart, different, and I accept that. Live well inside of this charge to bless the world milling around me. I may be overlooked in matters of my own heart, passed by for relationship of my own... but I touch many lives, daily.
OH! To bring them relief and to help them find their way!!!!
And when I wonder why this life just goes on and on? Please, send me an Eric or Dora etc to say something that sounds superficial, but that rings true on the tuning fork in my innermost spirit and intricate working of my mind.
Let me remember why I am here. Why I have endured so much abuse. Why I have run the gamut of hurts. Why I have loved and lost.
Let me reach out with the Compassion, the Love, and the Lessons learned in the crucible of life.
Remind me, when the pain gets seemingly unbearable.... that someone is watching me, following my footsteps, observing my actions and path.
First, let me do no harm.
Please, let me REMEMBER.
Thankful for the reminder,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Well, certainly memory is a curious machine and strangely capricious. It has no order, it has no system, it has no notion of values, it is always throwing away gold and hoarding rubbish. Out of that dim old time I have recalled that swarm of wholly trifling facts with case and precision, yet to save my life I can't get back my mathematics. It vexes me, yet I am aware that everybody's memory is like that, and that therefore I have no right to complain.
- "Three Thousand Years among the Microbes"
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