That title is old, coming from the LIFE CHANGING radically impacting podcast from Dr. Charles Stanley in his "Blessings in Brokeness" series June 2008. That message stripped me naked, and allowed spiritual healing to fully begin. In a sense, they were my Walls of Jericho, and they sustained a mortar hit of cataclysmic proportions.
The next phrase to hit me as strongly, in its Simple In Its Beauty- kind of way is "What am I holding onto that is no longer serving me?"
Funny, how years apart and sources EXTREMELY varied, the same inner message is revisited and made new in its timelessness.
Letting Go...
This is an area, among many that I struggle with. A few segments would be the storage shed I keep of homemade Christmas ornaments, hand prints, and Play Doh hearts on strings. Most everything points to "back when I had a family". Of course, I still have the same family members, even new faces.
After sitting all day at a shipper and being lazy, resting, I got up and felt led to some deeper meditations. They were not new. But I was asked to treat them like it was the very first time. Much as a Christian, we look back and remember our fervor, joy, and zeal in the "First Love" when we give our lives to God.
What I found there is challenging me. At the moment, it has me raw, and a cross between a laugh and a cry. It is not that there is work to do. As long as I breathe, I will have more that can be accomplished. It is wrestling inside with feelings of frustration and of failure. I SHOULD BE able to get closure and I SHOULD BE able to forgive and grow onward.
Yet, I am holding on. To negative thoughts. To old ways. To my past. To anchors that have become weights, no longer grounding me, but holding me down.
So, I write with a vex in my spirit, and no answer.
I know what I need to do. I stand poised to act. And I back away,, and sit there, remaining in my confusion.
THe decision is mine. The choice is mine. The action to take is mine.
WHAT AM I HOLDING ON TO????
No answer,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Essence
I shall be at peace when the lion within can lie down with the lamb.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Exploring The Deeper Portions Of Connection
March 17, 2011, Thursday
Return from Pueblo to Florida
A quote from the book I picked up at a thrift store in Colorado Springs for twenty-five cents, has once again stirred my compassion and inspiration. It fits so well with this trip.
“…. A human thread now linked her to the life we all share. It is this connection we crave the most. But it is up to us to find the will to weave the first strand.” Deepak Chopra in “The Deeper Wound”.
Prior to the trip planning, I named these visits to connect with my youngest daughter Alisha and her immediate family in Pueblo as Reunion, Reconciliation, and Reconnection. They are chapters in the book that is ever being written between a minimum of four living generations of my direct family line. My parents, myself, my daughters, and now my grandchildren are living in a time of shift and of Change.
As individuals, ever in a constant state of flux, we adapt, we discard, and we tend to seek new comfort zones. We close out old, unprofitable relationships with people, places, things and we create new identities every day. When we are pure and honest in our intentions, these graft in the surrounding world to reflect the authentic self within each of us.
It is at times of diversity and of separation that we may feel less connected to others than usual. Humans created to be social beings, resist these shifts and may view them as losses to be grieved over. Perhaps we may fight to maintain the status quo in order to stay with what we know or perceive. It is in these experiences of trial and error that we grow. Yet, no matter how dark the circumstances seem to be? We remain interconnected to God and to one another. This tenuous thread of Connection is a lifeline buoying us to survive in seasons of growth with triumph and faith.
Today I admit candidly that I have experienced both sides in the past few years. Not one of us will be the same tomorrow that we are today. Speaking for myself, I choose to walk softly, to tread in gracious mercy, and to offer peace and my hand to lift up another in love, gratitude, and forgiveness. These personal awareness and growth moments produce inward thinking shifts that are manifesting outwardly as I began in the recent past days to reap the blessings of the truth “you attract what you radiate outward.”
When the tumultuous dissension occurred several years ago, many hearts, emotions and relationship threads were injured. I am not sure why God has chosen me to be the ambassador of goodwill and restoration? But I accept this role. I feel it to be directly in line with His will to fervently foster peace and hope between family, friends, and loved ones.
This carries a heavy sense of responsibility to seek the truth, to be the mediatior, and to nourish the basic blocks of integration of tolerance back into the daily patterns of my family. Alisha has tried to reach out to others, such as her Dad, but with diffident results. She asks me to contact my side of the family and her sister to relay updates and concerns. Alisha specifically works extremely hard at multiple jobs, and holds the role of daughter, wife, mother, and employee. If I can ease her burden a bit? I will do so gladly.
This trip to the gorgeous Rockies then was much more than a journal entry, a Kodak moment, or food for our bellies as we socialized. It was a foray deep into the Supernatural realm of restorative bridge building in relationships. One by one, slowly over time, we are tearing down walls of mistrust, pain, or injured memories. We are connected by blood in this instance. Thrilled to recognize all of this as so much more, we are connected infinitely by God and Universe. Giant strides to healthy relationships and hopes for future are occurring with every phone call, text, email, visit or physical touch in a hug or handshake.
Through perfect will of God, I have been guided to learning how to be deliberate in my breathing, in my choices, in my experiencing intimately of the full presence of every moment. To be aware of every sensation and thought right here, right now. I am grateful to many who have breathed life into dormant parts of my life. You know who you are and I cherish every instance and recognize the gifts apparent. God has used many voices, many people, many mediums, and a concerted effort to jolt me from my complacency and to stir healing in my uttermost places. He has been waiting to bestow new life more abundantly if I would just be aware.
My fervent question to each of you is “How may I serve you?” Please, let me be a helpful part today. If anyone has the courage to reach outside and touch the life of another? Let him ask for assistance. If he has extra, let him offer to share where he has a bounty so that it may further the health of a fellow? Both directions facilitate the cycle of giving and receiving. Don’t be shy. Let me lift you higher.
Simply thankful for all of the life I have been allowed to experience to date, and expectant with joyful anticipation for the next leg of the onward Journey. Connected with my friends, my family, my fellows travelers I am not alone or unassisted. This is truly a time when “angels walk the earth as women and men”.
Embracing our connection,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Return from Pueblo to Florida
A quote from the book I picked up at a thrift store in Colorado Springs for twenty-five cents, has once again stirred my compassion and inspiration. It fits so well with this trip.
“…. A human thread now linked her to the life we all share. It is this connection we crave the most. But it is up to us to find the will to weave the first strand.” Deepak Chopra in “The Deeper Wound”.
Prior to the trip planning, I named these visits to connect with my youngest daughter Alisha and her immediate family in Pueblo as Reunion, Reconciliation, and Reconnection. They are chapters in the book that is ever being written between a minimum of four living generations of my direct family line. My parents, myself, my daughters, and now my grandchildren are living in a time of shift and of Change.
As individuals, ever in a constant state of flux, we adapt, we discard, and we tend to seek new comfort zones. We close out old, unprofitable relationships with people, places, things and we create new identities every day. When we are pure and honest in our intentions, these graft in the surrounding world to reflect the authentic self within each of us.
It is at times of diversity and of separation that we may feel less connected to others than usual. Humans created to be social beings, resist these shifts and may view them as losses to be grieved over. Perhaps we may fight to maintain the status quo in order to stay with what we know or perceive. It is in these experiences of trial and error that we grow. Yet, no matter how dark the circumstances seem to be? We remain interconnected to God and to one another. This tenuous thread of Connection is a lifeline buoying us to survive in seasons of growth with triumph and faith.
Today I admit candidly that I have experienced both sides in the past few years. Not one of us will be the same tomorrow that we are today. Speaking for myself, I choose to walk softly, to tread in gracious mercy, and to offer peace and my hand to lift up another in love, gratitude, and forgiveness. These personal awareness and growth moments produce inward thinking shifts that are manifesting outwardly as I began in the recent past days to reap the blessings of the truth “you attract what you radiate outward.”
When the tumultuous dissension occurred several years ago, many hearts, emotions and relationship threads were injured. I am not sure why God has chosen me to be the ambassador of goodwill and restoration? But I accept this role. I feel it to be directly in line with His will to fervently foster peace and hope between family, friends, and loved ones.
This carries a heavy sense of responsibility to seek the truth, to be the mediatior, and to nourish the basic blocks of integration of tolerance back into the daily patterns of my family. Alisha has tried to reach out to others, such as her Dad, but with diffident results. She asks me to contact my side of the family and her sister to relay updates and concerns. Alisha specifically works extremely hard at multiple jobs, and holds the role of daughter, wife, mother, and employee. If I can ease her burden a bit? I will do so gladly.
This trip to the gorgeous Rockies then was much more than a journal entry, a Kodak moment, or food for our bellies as we socialized. It was a foray deep into the Supernatural realm of restorative bridge building in relationships. One by one, slowly over time, we are tearing down walls of mistrust, pain, or injured memories. We are connected by blood in this instance. Thrilled to recognize all of this as so much more, we are connected infinitely by God and Universe. Giant strides to healthy relationships and hopes for future are occurring with every phone call, text, email, visit or physical touch in a hug or handshake.
Through perfect will of God, I have been guided to learning how to be deliberate in my breathing, in my choices, in my experiencing intimately of the full presence of every moment. To be aware of every sensation and thought right here, right now. I am grateful to many who have breathed life into dormant parts of my life. You know who you are and I cherish every instance and recognize the gifts apparent. God has used many voices, many people, many mediums, and a concerted effort to jolt me from my complacency and to stir healing in my uttermost places. He has been waiting to bestow new life more abundantly if I would just be aware.
My fervent question to each of you is “How may I serve you?” Please, let me be a helpful part today. If anyone has the courage to reach outside and touch the life of another? Let him ask for assistance. If he has extra, let him offer to share where he has a bounty so that it may further the health of a fellow? Both directions facilitate the cycle of giving and receiving. Don’t be shy. Let me lift you higher.
Simply thankful for all of the life I have been allowed to experience to date, and expectant with joyful anticipation for the next leg of the onward Journey. Connected with my friends, my family, my fellows travelers I am not alone or unassisted. This is truly a time when “angels walk the earth as women and men”.
Embracing our connection,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Entertaining Angels Unawares
This blog will be hard to write through grateful, humbled tears. I don't know where to begin, except to say that just a moment ago I was graced to meet an angel unawares. Her name was Mary Jane and is she is at least 70 years old living in "the shanty by the tracks". We met today when I bought her an additional $20 in gasoline. I wish to tell her story, not to highlight my role in today, but rather to encourage anyone who reads to take the chance, who knows when it is your turn to meet an angel face to face.
My work has been frustrating since they put in the electronic logs called People Net. It records in real time and silly things, mundane chores, unexpected opportunities eat at the available work time. It seems I run hard to a destination, only to be left sitting on either end, waiting on others to do their work. Trucking is a choreographed dance with many performers. I try to take it in stride and be thankful to have such an excellent job, wonderful income potential and the chances to partake in people, places, and things of our entire USA.
Monday was more of the same. After a nailbiting weekend of one problem after another, I made an on time delivery and was left cooling my heels in the middle of the day. I wasn't tired enough to sleep in midday. So I did laundry, shopped, and tried later to nap. Then at 11pm, I began a shift of driving. Again, arrived on time in Westerville, OK. This time, I specifically requested to go wait on my next load back in Arkansas where I could get a shower at a truck stop.
My Fleet Manager, Joe, kept saying wait,,, wait,,, wait... and I will admit, I was a pain about it. In one moment, I was praying to God to ask him to keep control of my every detail, he knows the plans he has for me, he is saving me for something. On the other hand, I watched the countdown on the PeopleNet clock and chafed, and whined and emailed and called. With only 10 minute left on my legal DOT clock, Joe calls me with a load that picks up in Arkansas, 45 minutes away. What can I do? Get up, wash my hands and face and settle in to finish my 10 hour break exactly in the dumpy truck lot I am parked. No shower, microwave hotpockets, grey day.... just bummed.
Now, I have napped and can't sleep. I go inside the store, and walk the lap around it again, still disgusted with the selections. I ask the clerk for the nearest hotel, I would PAY for a shower... They are all too far away.
As I walk out, I glance at the gasoline pumps. Immediately I am arrested in my tracks. There is an elderly woman, in shabby clothes, bent almost in half, shuffling around the back of a Ford Taraus from the 1990's. As she makes her way to the store,, she looks sideways at me. I can see one dollar bills, held tight in her fist as she painfully makes her way into the store with her cane. She says hello, I reply. She says, "Well I am better today than I was yesterday so it is a good day."
YES!!! I was struck to my very core with remorse for my whining and mental complaining!!! I knew in an instant what God wanted me to do. I followed her in side and (tears),,,, watched her count out FIVE one dollar bills to pay for her gasoline.
FIVE DOLLARS AT TODAY"S PUMP PRICES.... I who have hundreds weekly, and thousands at times,,, observed as this dear elder counted out five single one dollar bills. I motioned to the cashier to let me listen. The lady said, "this will get me around in town for a little bit, I hope."
As soon as she went out the door on that tortured walk back to her car, I pulled out my bank card and told the cashier to charge me $20 on gas NOW! I told her, "I don't know how she's going to take it and I didn't want her to refuse. So charge me. NOW!"
I went outside, and told the lady I need to pump her some more gas. She said I didn't need to to do that. I told her that I already had it paid for, I was just asking permission to touch her car to pump it in. Here is where I was blessed and nearly driven to my knees. She came around the tail of the car and stood with me as I pumped. Now, it is grey, under 40 degrees, excrutiatingly bone-chilling cold winds... and she asked me where I live. I pointed to my truck. I told her I was kinda stranded today waiting on a load to be ready Wednesday morning in Arkansas. She began to tell me her story. She lives in the next town over,, which is a good 10 miles away on my GPS. She uses the car for doctors appointments. "Sometimes, if I call 2 days early, they will send someone out to pick me up."
Everyone knows someone who is a truck driver. Her nephew drove, until he had a liver transplant and was out of work 5 years. As the fuel transfer ended, she asked me my name. Then she told me hers is Mary Jane and that she lives in the "shanty by the tracks". I can only imagine.
I went back inside the store to sign my credit slip. The cashier wanted to talk about what a nice thing I had done. I pushed her aside. Instead, I wanted her to know, there is a REAL LIVE WOMAN inside that bent, shabby exterior. She lives here. Walks among us. We are all connected.
One of the things I did while I was pouting and clock watching and napping today was stop. Deliberately breathe 3 times. Think about the choice that I had. Became very aware of my breath, and my attitudes. I keep a small handful of motivational books, music, and podcasts on hand that I cycle through to remind me of why I am here on the Earth and this exact moment. It is so I can be fully PRESENT right here, right now. Live the moment I am in with beautiful joy, love, gratitude, and forgiveness. To help a brother or a sister along their way, sharing the burden of their Journey, to be sure they make it onward.
Mary Jane taught me so much in our brief 5-10 minutes together. I had been being ungrateful, unyielding, unforgiving, and rude in my head, in my thoughts, in my communications with work. Even in my prayers, I had been me- me- me.
Every event of today, and days previous, led me to this one crux. To meet and assist Mary Jane. To reach out, and give her a smile for the rest of her day. To free her from a worry. To share her load.
I am ashamed I was so tense about my work situation. The repetitions of the 3 breath pattern and being deliberate to choose my next thought or attitude had reminded me of why I am here.
To give. To serve. To love. To lift. To share.
Mary Jane? Thank you, Ma'am. I am so blessed to make your acquaintence. The pleasure is all mine.
Listening to the voices of the angels,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
My work has been frustrating since they put in the electronic logs called People Net. It records in real time and silly things, mundane chores, unexpected opportunities eat at the available work time. It seems I run hard to a destination, only to be left sitting on either end, waiting on others to do their work. Trucking is a choreographed dance with many performers. I try to take it in stride and be thankful to have such an excellent job, wonderful income potential and the chances to partake in people, places, and things of our entire USA.
Monday was more of the same. After a nailbiting weekend of one problem after another, I made an on time delivery and was left cooling my heels in the middle of the day. I wasn't tired enough to sleep in midday. So I did laundry, shopped, and tried later to nap. Then at 11pm, I began a shift of driving. Again, arrived on time in Westerville, OK. This time, I specifically requested to go wait on my next load back in Arkansas where I could get a shower at a truck stop.
My Fleet Manager, Joe, kept saying wait,,, wait,,, wait... and I will admit, I was a pain about it. In one moment, I was praying to God to ask him to keep control of my every detail, he knows the plans he has for me, he is saving me for something. On the other hand, I watched the countdown on the PeopleNet clock and chafed, and whined and emailed and called. With only 10 minute left on my legal DOT clock, Joe calls me with a load that picks up in Arkansas, 45 minutes away. What can I do? Get up, wash my hands and face and settle in to finish my 10 hour break exactly in the dumpy truck lot I am parked. No shower, microwave hotpockets, grey day.... just bummed.
Now, I have napped and can't sleep. I go inside the store, and walk the lap around it again, still disgusted with the selections. I ask the clerk for the nearest hotel, I would PAY for a shower... They are all too far away.
As I walk out, I glance at the gasoline pumps. Immediately I am arrested in my tracks. There is an elderly woman, in shabby clothes, bent almost in half, shuffling around the back of a Ford Taraus from the 1990's. As she makes her way to the store,, she looks sideways at me. I can see one dollar bills, held tight in her fist as she painfully makes her way into the store with her cane. She says hello, I reply. She says, "Well I am better today than I was yesterday so it is a good day."
YES!!! I was struck to my very core with remorse for my whining and mental complaining!!! I knew in an instant what God wanted me to do. I followed her in side and (tears),,,, watched her count out FIVE one dollar bills to pay for her gasoline.
FIVE DOLLARS AT TODAY"S PUMP PRICES.... I who have hundreds weekly, and thousands at times,,, observed as this dear elder counted out five single one dollar bills. I motioned to the cashier to let me listen. The lady said, "this will get me around in town for a little bit, I hope."
As soon as she went out the door on that tortured walk back to her car, I pulled out my bank card and told the cashier to charge me $20 on gas NOW! I told her, "I don't know how she's going to take it and I didn't want her to refuse. So charge me. NOW!"
I went outside, and told the lady I need to pump her some more gas. She said I didn't need to to do that. I told her that I already had it paid for, I was just asking permission to touch her car to pump it in. Here is where I was blessed and nearly driven to my knees. She came around the tail of the car and stood with me as I pumped. Now, it is grey, under 40 degrees, excrutiatingly bone-chilling cold winds... and she asked me where I live. I pointed to my truck. I told her I was kinda stranded today waiting on a load to be ready Wednesday morning in Arkansas. She began to tell me her story. She lives in the next town over,, which is a good 10 miles away on my GPS. She uses the car for doctors appointments. "Sometimes, if I call 2 days early, they will send someone out to pick me up."
Everyone knows someone who is a truck driver. Her nephew drove, until he had a liver transplant and was out of work 5 years. As the fuel transfer ended, she asked me my name. Then she told me hers is Mary Jane and that she lives in the "shanty by the tracks". I can only imagine.
I went back inside the store to sign my credit slip. The cashier wanted to talk about what a nice thing I had done. I pushed her aside. Instead, I wanted her to know, there is a REAL LIVE WOMAN inside that bent, shabby exterior. She lives here. Walks among us. We are all connected.
One of the things I did while I was pouting and clock watching and napping today was stop. Deliberately breathe 3 times. Think about the choice that I had. Became very aware of my breath, and my attitudes. I keep a small handful of motivational books, music, and podcasts on hand that I cycle through to remind me of why I am here on the Earth and this exact moment. It is so I can be fully PRESENT right here, right now. Live the moment I am in with beautiful joy, love, gratitude, and forgiveness. To help a brother or a sister along their way, sharing the burden of their Journey, to be sure they make it onward.
Mary Jane taught me so much in our brief 5-10 minutes together. I had been being ungrateful, unyielding, unforgiving, and rude in my head, in my thoughts, in my communications with work. Even in my prayers, I had been me- me- me.
Every event of today, and days previous, led me to this one crux. To meet and assist Mary Jane. To reach out, and give her a smile for the rest of her day. To free her from a worry. To share her load.
I am ashamed I was so tense about my work situation. The repetitions of the 3 breath pattern and being deliberate to choose my next thought or attitude had reminded me of why I am here.
To give. To serve. To love. To lift. To share.
Mary Jane? Thank you, Ma'am. I am so blessed to make your acquaintence. The pleasure is all mine.
Listening to the voices of the angels,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Monday, March 7, 2011
Stop Shopping, NanaJ!
I am having so much fun!! I give alot of things new and used to strangers and friends. It brings me AWESOME joy to provide the unexpected. The giver is ALWAYS the blessed party. You simply cannot out give God.
It is just as much fun when I can give to a family member and be there to see their response and capture their smile in my heart. Such will be the case very soon. It is Jeremiah's first birthday on March 21st. And his momma is over 5 months pregnant with his brother. Alisha works a total of 3 roles at two restaurants. She needs clothes that fit or expand with her for work attire. Some of the black shirts esp are new, in sizes for now, and when she is almost due in July. And since both Chili's and Applebees require black shirts??? I made sure to get her some pink, green and blue for her down times.
For my Little Dude? A used Blues Clues backpack full of $. 25 books :-)
Today, I had a few down hours in Ballwin, MO (St. Louis) and I used my time to go catch up at the laundry mat. Next door? A St. Vincent De Paul's thrift store. Not only did I get Jeremiah Tommy Hilfiger, Blues Clues, and OshKoshBGosh for $1 each piece? The funds go to a great cause. So I am helping even as I am blessing Alisha's young family! 3 pairs of maternity jeans for $3 each! And a rolling suitcase for Jan with palm trees on it for $3. It has all of its zippers and will be super easy to spot on the luggage conveyor belt at baggage claim!
This added 30 minutes to my laundry duties, as I went and freshened up the new stuff as well.
I am exercising EXTREME RESTRAINT though to STOP buying clothes, books, and gifts. I HAVE TO CARRY IT AS LUGGAGE!!! Hello! Nana!!! Wake up!! lol.
Jeremiah busted his lip today. It bled. He did not even cry but it shook up his mommy. LOL,,, give her a few more months. Between 2 sons? She will get over her nervousness pretty quick and adopt some sort of "If you ain't dying, I don't want to hear about it" routine. Big grin!
Along the lines of not being able to outgive God, He also makes provision for me when I get "me" out of His way and let him bless me. This trip was in danger of being too expensive. The flight is 2-3 times what it was in October. To even it out, I secured truly luxurious hotel accommodations for super cheap. After a few days of wondering if this was the right time to make this trip? I took the leap of faith last night and paid for flight and hotel.
Alisha made a comment in passing the other night when she said that Jeremiah is now big enough to hug her back. I suppose that was the exact moment I KNEW that this trip to Colorado needed to happen in the here and the now.
If anyone wants to help me out? They can zap me with electricity when I try to shop for them before I arrive in their town. Or hold my wallet. As it is, it's at least $25 for one checked baggage per flight. And as it is still obviously Winter in southern Colorado?? I think I need a little bit of layers and clothes for me too. Big grin!
Please bear with me. It takes me sooo long to make a decision. So much back and forth. Once I declare it? I am on it like a pitbull on a ham bone.
Meanwhile, it is my joy and fun to continue to give and bless all of whom God lays on my heart. It is a beautiful life. I choose to share it and all the bounty thereof. I can not take anything in a UHaul behind my hearse, so I choose to lift another's spirits while I am yet living.
My gift, my privilege,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
It is just as much fun when I can give to a family member and be there to see their response and capture their smile in my heart. Such will be the case very soon. It is Jeremiah's first birthday on March 21st. And his momma is over 5 months pregnant with his brother. Alisha works a total of 3 roles at two restaurants. She needs clothes that fit or expand with her for work attire. Some of the black shirts esp are new, in sizes for now, and when she is almost due in July. And since both Chili's and Applebees require black shirts??? I made sure to get her some pink, green and blue for her down times.
For my Little Dude? A used Blues Clues backpack full of $. 25 books :-)
Today, I had a few down hours in Ballwin, MO (St. Louis) and I used my time to go catch up at the laundry mat. Next door? A St. Vincent De Paul's thrift store. Not only did I get Jeremiah Tommy Hilfiger, Blues Clues, and OshKoshBGosh for $1 each piece? The funds go to a great cause. So I am helping even as I am blessing Alisha's young family! 3 pairs of maternity jeans for $3 each! And a rolling suitcase for Jan with palm trees on it for $3. It has all of its zippers and will be super easy to spot on the luggage conveyor belt at baggage claim!
This added 30 minutes to my laundry duties, as I went and freshened up the new stuff as well.
I am exercising EXTREME RESTRAINT though to STOP buying clothes, books, and gifts. I HAVE TO CARRY IT AS LUGGAGE!!! Hello! Nana!!! Wake up!! lol.
Jeremiah busted his lip today. It bled. He did not even cry but it shook up his mommy. LOL,,, give her a few more months. Between 2 sons? She will get over her nervousness pretty quick and adopt some sort of "If you ain't dying, I don't want to hear about it" routine. Big grin!
Along the lines of not being able to outgive God, He also makes provision for me when I get "me" out of His way and let him bless me. This trip was in danger of being too expensive. The flight is 2-3 times what it was in October. To even it out, I secured truly luxurious hotel accommodations for super cheap. After a few days of wondering if this was the right time to make this trip? I took the leap of faith last night and paid for flight and hotel.
Alisha made a comment in passing the other night when she said that Jeremiah is now big enough to hug her back. I suppose that was the exact moment I KNEW that this trip to Colorado needed to happen in the here and the now.
If anyone wants to help me out? They can zap me with electricity when I try to shop for them before I arrive in their town. Or hold my wallet. As it is, it's at least $25 for one checked baggage per flight. And as it is still obviously Winter in southern Colorado?? I think I need a little bit of layers and clothes for me too. Big grin!
Please bear with me. It takes me sooo long to make a decision. So much back and forth. Once I declare it? I am on it like a pitbull on a ham bone.
Meanwhile, it is my joy and fun to continue to give and bless all of whom God lays on my heart. It is a beautiful life. I choose to share it and all the bounty thereof. I can not take anything in a UHaul behind my hearse, so I choose to lift another's spirits while I am yet living.
My gift, my privilege,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Look Twice!
While the flow has not ceased or stemmed, it has turned down a different channel. I am thinking, writing, living more in a peaceful state of mind and emotion. I am also compelled entirely to continue exploring and growing in the Gifts around and in me. All of these changes are processes. Thus the quiet spells. Resting in God.
Time to assimilate the new ways. To break old habits and to foster new healthy ways of thinking, acting, obeying the Call on my life. I am doing an enormous amount of quiet listening these days! And that is a good thing! Through meditation I have learned to quiet my mind and how to travel to new galaxies of Possibilities. There is so much excitement in the air with Spring and in my heart with anticipation. Already my Intentions for 2011 are gaining altitude and I am feeling very strong in my progress.
Letting go is still an ongoing process. I have a goal of consolidating all of my storage into one small unit in Central Florida. Yes, it is possible that the notes from my daughter's first grade may not make it in the reduced space. This is hard for me. Even painful. What a waste of money, though, to pay to store paper or things that no one has touched, looked at or used in years, even decades.
Another letting go is of people. The past 6 months I began to cull my contacts list. Occasionally, I still search my phone or email list, thinking to re-connect with someone. Only to discover, that I let them go. There was a reason at the time. I am a forgiving soul though, so it is not often a burned bridge. Just a new avenue for me. Life is too short to live it in pain, fear, or neglect. And I am moving forward with the best of my days still ahead. Full, pressed down, running over with fountains of love, gratitude, and forgiveness.
One of the last Kundalini classes of 2010 called upon us to set our Intentions for the new year. Suggestions were made of what types of things people might decide. My specific set of Intentions did not get a voice in class. But in the Spirit, I clearly heard the direction and calling being placed on my life for that current moment and onward to the near future.
A specific one was "FEARLESSNESS". When I told a female friend this, she objected, "No fair! You already have no fear! You jump out of airplanes. I wish I was like you, afraid of nothing." While this made me smile, it also hurts a bit. See? I look up to my friend. I am learning how we each draw on the strengths and energy of others. Community, family, friends, network is so vital. Since this conversation? I have lured her out to a moonlight kayaking trip. Her very first!
For me, though, it isn't fear of external elements. There are things I do not like to do. Snow skiing for instance. I learned my lesson on the bunny slope when I corkscrewed my knee, lol. Seriously though, my fears and Intention to address and declaw these fears are of people. Love. Relationships. Matters of soul and of heart. That is opening like a gorgeous lily even as I type, and for this I am so grateful and humbled.
Letting people of all sizes, shapes, races, genders, religions, etc in near my world. Few are invited into the secret room of my deepest heart yet. But the year is young. I will always have progress that I can make.
Whether it is someone I met as a child, a youth, a family, or as a single being, I am blessed with good friends. There are those that lift my spirits and dreams higher just by being in them. By their support and cheering me on. By listening. By letting me give, and letting me take. There are faithful warriors and there are new faces. The blessing is that I am becoming able to let this richness in to my trust and hopes again. You'd have to know me, to get this in the spirit it is intended.
Do you still see a bare, winterized tree occasionally? Look twice. I see the green hope coursing throughout. New growth. Hope and victory over sleep.
As an avid motorcyclist, I chafe at 18 wheels, even at 4 wheels. I feel this strong desire at this time of year to ride hard and fast, letting the wind and the rain blow the cobwebs out of my head. As I drive in my rig over interstates in the South, the great descent has begun of bikes heading to Daytona Bike Week. The yearning in me kicks into overdrive. LOOK TWICE!! Save a a life!!! Share the road!
I can FEEL this glow shimmering around me! It is of light, of hope, of joy, and of appreciation in the beauty ever present and waiting to be embraced! It is in moments of peace, of deeply inhaling the clear air and of sincere inspiration that I lean in closer to hear the voice of God, of Earth, and of all that would speak motivation and love and presence.
Learning new ways to let a day go. Let a judgement go, usually of myself. To begin the night in peace and set up for sweet dreams and healing, regeneration and restoration. Beginning to look forward to waking up, not in pain of body or heart, but in wonder and excitement of soul and mind.
I am challenging myself today to honor my progress, be gentle with my process, to enjoy the journey, to love without restrictions, and to look twice- embracing Change, Letting Go, and living Fearlessly.
Sincere gratitude and blessings,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
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