Essence
I shall be at peace when the lion within can lie down with the lamb.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Map? I Don't Need No Stinking Map
Okay,, that was said with humor and bewilderment. It is jibing at how men won't stop and ask for directions,, but women will, supposedly because they don't know how to fold the map back on itself.
Also, I am out of my region. I am in Springfield, MO and part of me was EXCITED to travel old, familiar roads. Today was a trip with old friends & landmarks, in new, dynamic seasons. The other part of me is wondering what am I doing here? As a "regional" driver, I get paid less per mile than a "systems" driver,, so I am cheap labor. That plays into the pounding ponder in my head of going OTR again. Waiting until the Spring of course!!! I have zero desire to get stuck in a blizzard for days with a pee cup and dry Ramen noodles.
So much is tumbling across the pallette of my mind, that I can scarcely "free-type" it fast enough. In that arena I am "all over the map" too. Between pen, paper, books in my hands,,,, and electronic media opening doors and windows I never knew existed??? I am a mess,,, in a good way, I think?
Raw,, OMG I am sooo raw these days. Very up and down,,, very extremely tired of being sick in my body... and seeing the correlation of my state of mind and body is only twisting things more up in knots.
I stopped going to my "usual" doctors,,, I declare mutiny on medicines, ESPECIALLY INJECTIONS that make me sicker than they help,,, and the injections have to just wear off,,,
Experimenting with all kinds of combinations of herbs, vitamins, supplements, various teas and drinks, all while still very IN NEED OF SERIOUS PAIN RELIEF!!! The pain is the same on the inj meds or off,, but I am going CRAZY with need for relief! I am ready to try most anything. I have even been eating and drinking things that up until this point I disavowed.
Take ACV,,, WHY would I willingly drink something that comes out of my body as sweat etc and makes me smell like an apple flavored Easter egg??? I don't even have the dog here to blame! LOL.
Or eat spoiled milk products ON PURPOSE???? C'mon are you kidding me? How about tomatoes?? Do you get the same healthy benefit if you swallow it whole??? Because one of them made me gag, so I cut it in half and I REALLY hated the tomatoe giz then!! That is just SOOOOO gross!!
but,, I want to be healed in my body.
Then there's the whole "mind" thing... which is hurting, thumping btw. I have read & heard some things that are SOOOO FAR from my (probably) narrow,,,, limited thinking sphere???? That is just rocking my world.
Curiouser and curiouser,, I am finding that one click on the Information SuperHighway yields a HOST of OPTIONS for more,, and eventually,, you get to a place where the terms are starting to appear in each other's articles,,
I'm a big person on "CONFIRMATION" soooooo "out of the mouths of 2 or 3 (or more) let every word be established".
The challenge for me is to stay "ME" while BECOMING WHO I AM MEANT TO BE.
Whew,, State Farm ain't never gonna believe this....
============================================================
Experiencing nightmares again, I am putting off going to bed. Just realized though, I also forgot to eat supper... so I ended up just now going into the C-store and spending $3.50 on a sandwhich that I really didn't want. Must have food for my meds though.
The concept of screaming for release is not a new one to me. In the early 1990's my husband and I participated in a 16 week, 4 weekend INTENSIVE Marriage Retreat situation. One weekend we did the "Haircut" and the "Vesuvius",,, and pounded pillows with plastic bats. I adapted that to me personally and I go to the golf driving range,, or in times of DIRE DISTRESS to the batting cages,,, SWINGING FOR THE FENCE 200 times in a row kinda unkinks my emotional knots as well. Also,, at least once, I took an axe to a fence post,,,,
Another weekend session we "Bonded" - Taking turns in the Hotseat in the center of the circle and began to say,, then yell, then to SCREAM "I need,, I Need,,,, I NEed..... I NEED,,, I NEEEEEDDD " until something very PRIMAL snapped inside our gizzards and all of a sudden some STRANGER poured from our guts and we began to cry out all sorts of things...
Funny,,, it brought EVERYONE to an INTENSE BONDING *except my husband. He held himself aloof. He was the last to go,, and did it out of a rebellious attitiude,, and when his "cry" came out it was still controlled and accusatory to me and just tore me into a million MORE fragments than I already was....
Another session we practiced actual physical holds,, the "Nurturing" hold,, the "Bonding" hold.. and more,, I guess. I have experienced those from Pastor Hattabaugh more in 2 1/2 years than I ever have in my entire 42 years!!!!!!!!!!!!
But here I am tonight, dreading sleep and nightmares,,, the screaming that rocked the house this morning. Worried that I have been screaming in my truck ,,,, or WORSE<, what if I have been screaming at people's houses????? OOh boy!
Thinking of rudimentary meditation ideas,,, and between the TWO suggested EXERCISES (screaming or meditating) ,, I think that meditating is the one I will go with before bedtime. I already do something along those lines that is RIGHT FOR ME... so this will just be an adaptation,, until I can learn how to do it by the book.
I have what I call a "Prayer Rug",,,, which for me,, it is a soft, plush high pile bath rug that I keep rolled up and put away. I only bring it out SPECIFICALLY when I want to get barefoot, and SIT ON THE FLOOR of my home/truck,,,, It provides a clean environment,, but it is also a signal to my brain and soul that I am engaging in something SPECIAL.
During times of sitting, subjecting myself etc on my Prayer Rug,, I often end up kneeling,, or VERY OFTEN completely prostrate and in UTTER SUBJECTION to the GOD that is moving me....communicating.... concentrating....
Times of being LOST in HIM,,, when I can actually RELAX and let my mind, my heart, my thoughts, my emotions,,LET IT ALL GO,,, and it even let's my body sag and go LIMP,,, sends me to another dimension.
So not sure why?? But to me,, after several exposures to "MEDITATION" through media and conversations??? It seems like it may be an extension of something I already enjoy and do regularly.
Like when "Free-Writing" was looked up, then explained by a few sources? I am a bit put off that "Meditation" seems to be something I "already do".... a silly pout going on here,,,,
I was hoping it would be A BIG ANSWER???? I am not discounting it,, I am just READY FOR CHANGE!!! If you do the same things you have always done, you get the same results you have always gotten. And those are not working for me anymore.. I NEED RELIEF and HEALING!!
ok,, closing this abruptly... I am tapped tonight. sigh....
Praying for sweet dreams for me and for you as well,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Also, I am out of my region. I am in Springfield, MO and part of me was EXCITED to travel old, familiar roads. Today was a trip with old friends & landmarks, in new, dynamic seasons. The other part of me is wondering what am I doing here? As a "regional" driver, I get paid less per mile than a "systems" driver,, so I am cheap labor. That plays into the pounding ponder in my head of going OTR again. Waiting until the Spring of course!!! I have zero desire to get stuck in a blizzard for days with a pee cup and dry Ramen noodles.
So much is tumbling across the pallette of my mind, that I can scarcely "free-type" it fast enough. In that arena I am "all over the map" too. Between pen, paper, books in my hands,,,, and electronic media opening doors and windows I never knew existed??? I am a mess,,, in a good way, I think?
Raw,, OMG I am sooo raw these days. Very up and down,,, very extremely tired of being sick in my body... and seeing the correlation of my state of mind and body is only twisting things more up in knots.
I stopped going to my "usual" doctors,,, I declare mutiny on medicines, ESPECIALLY INJECTIONS that make me sicker than they help,,, and the injections have to just wear off,,,
Experimenting with all kinds of combinations of herbs, vitamins, supplements, various teas and drinks, all while still very IN NEED OF SERIOUS PAIN RELIEF!!! The pain is the same on the inj meds or off,, but I am going CRAZY with need for relief! I am ready to try most anything. I have even been eating and drinking things that up until this point I disavowed.
Take ACV,,, WHY would I willingly drink something that comes out of my body as sweat etc and makes me smell like an apple flavored Easter egg??? I don't even have the dog here to blame! LOL.
Or eat spoiled milk products ON PURPOSE???? C'mon are you kidding me? How about tomatoes?? Do you get the same healthy benefit if you swallow it whole??? Because one of them made me gag, so I cut it in half and I REALLY hated the tomatoe giz then!! That is just SOOOOO gross!!
but,, I want to be healed in my body.
Then there's the whole "mind" thing... which is hurting, thumping btw. I have read & heard some things that are SOOOO FAR from my (probably) narrow,,,, limited thinking sphere???? That is just rocking my world.
Curiouser and curiouser,, I am finding that one click on the Information SuperHighway yields a HOST of OPTIONS for more,, and eventually,, you get to a place where the terms are starting to appear in each other's articles,,
I'm a big person on "CONFIRMATION" soooooo "out of the mouths of 2 or 3 (or more) let every word be established".
The challenge for me is to stay "ME" while BECOMING WHO I AM MEANT TO BE.
Whew,, State Farm ain't never gonna believe this....
============================================================
Experiencing nightmares again, I am putting off going to bed. Just realized though, I also forgot to eat supper... so I ended up just now going into the C-store and spending $3.50 on a sandwhich that I really didn't want. Must have food for my meds though.
The concept of screaming for release is not a new one to me. In the early 1990's my husband and I participated in a 16 week, 4 weekend INTENSIVE Marriage Retreat situation. One weekend we did the "Haircut" and the "Vesuvius",,, and pounded pillows with plastic bats. I adapted that to me personally and I go to the golf driving range,, or in times of DIRE DISTRESS to the batting cages,,, SWINGING FOR THE FENCE 200 times in a row kinda unkinks my emotional knots as well. Also,, at least once, I took an axe to a fence post,,,,
Another weekend session we "Bonded" - Taking turns in the Hotseat in the center of the circle and began to say,, then yell, then to SCREAM "I need,, I Need,,,, I NEed..... I NEED,,, I NEEEEEDDD " until something very PRIMAL snapped inside our gizzards and all of a sudden some STRANGER poured from our guts and we began to cry out all sorts of things...
Funny,,, it brought EVERYONE to an INTENSE BONDING *except my husband. He held himself aloof. He was the last to go,, and did it out of a rebellious attitiude,, and when his "cry" came out it was still controlled and accusatory to me and just tore me into a million MORE fragments than I already was....
Another session we practiced actual physical holds,, the "Nurturing" hold,, the "Bonding" hold.. and more,, I guess. I have experienced those from Pastor Hattabaugh more in 2 1/2 years than I ever have in my entire 42 years!!!!!!!!!!!!
But here I am tonight, dreading sleep and nightmares,,, the screaming that rocked the house this morning. Worried that I have been screaming in my truck ,,,, or WORSE<, what if I have been screaming at people's houses????? OOh boy!
Thinking of rudimentary meditation ideas,,, and between the TWO suggested EXERCISES (screaming or meditating) ,, I think that meditating is the one I will go with before bedtime. I already do something along those lines that is RIGHT FOR ME... so this will just be an adaptation,, until I can learn how to do it by the book.
I have what I call a "Prayer Rug",,,, which for me,, it is a soft, plush high pile bath rug that I keep rolled up and put away. I only bring it out SPECIFICALLY when I want to get barefoot, and SIT ON THE FLOOR of my home/truck,,,, It provides a clean environment,, but it is also a signal to my brain and soul that I am engaging in something SPECIAL.
During times of sitting, subjecting myself etc on my Prayer Rug,, I often end up kneeling,, or VERY OFTEN completely prostrate and in UTTER SUBJECTION to the GOD that is moving me....communicating.... concentrating....
Times of being LOST in HIM,,, when I can actually RELAX and let my mind, my heart, my thoughts, my emotions,,LET IT ALL GO,,, and it even let's my body sag and go LIMP,,, sends me to another dimension.
So not sure why?? But to me,, after several exposures to "MEDITATION" through media and conversations??? It seems like it may be an extension of something I already enjoy and do regularly.
Like when "Free-Writing" was looked up, then explained by a few sources? I am a bit put off that "Meditation" seems to be something I "already do".... a silly pout going on here,,,,
I was hoping it would be A BIG ANSWER???? I am not discounting it,, I am just READY FOR CHANGE!!! If you do the same things you have always done, you get the same results you have always gotten. And those are not working for me anymore.. I NEED RELIEF and HEALING!!
ok,, closing this abruptly... I am tapped tonight. sigh....
Praying for sweet dreams for me and for you as well,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Home? Wherever I Hang My Keys.....
GRIDLOCK a mere 50 miles from my landing place for tonite- my parents house on the Warrior River. I'm tired, will be glad to stop fighting the road tonite. Ahh
what is playing?"
"Better Than Me" by Hinder
I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
And guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered what it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took that you were lookin' for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall, you and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered what it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend
I won't think about you when I'm older
'Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
And I think you should know this
what is playing?"
"Better Than Me" by Hinder
I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
And guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered what it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took that you were lookin' for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall, you and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered what it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend
I won't think about you when I'm older
'Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
And I think you should know this
He Made Me Smile, That Angel- unawares
Here ya go.... I woke up with a song in my heart,,, bubbling up as I whistled my way into the rest area bathrooms to freshen up....
As I came out and older gentleman waited by the door for me. Asked me about trucking, all the usual, non-imaginative questions.
_Upon parting, he said, "Well, I wish you luck, My Lady."
If I wasn't smiling before we met?
I AM NOW!! =D
~J~
As I came out and older gentleman waited by the door for me. Asked me about trucking, all the usual, non-imaginative questions.
_Upon parting, he said, "Well, I wish you luck, My Lady."
If I wasn't smiling before we met?
I AM NOW!! =D
~J~
trying to add photo album links?
Pike's Peak Highlights from Oct. 22-25, 2010
Reunion, Reconcilliation, Reconnect
singing "Celebrate Good Times, C'mon! Let's Have a Celebration!"
Not sure how to ensure my privacy, and still share the albums?
Esp want to keep the blog "private" by invitation only....
????
Jan
Reunion, Reconcilliation, Reconnect
singing "Celebrate Good Times, C'mon! Let's Have a Celebration!"
Not sure how to ensure my privacy, and still share the albums?
Esp want to keep the blog "private" by invitation only....
????
Jan
I Can't Believe How Dumb Men Can Be..... (laughing)
HOW OBTUSE CAN A FELLOW BE??????? read below,,,, don't eat or drink though, you may choke!
This internet dude ,,,, we have talked 3 times on Instant Messenger,,,,
ok, Mr. GQ,,, I am "impressed" by your website shopping abilities ;)
he just requested,,, rather FERVENTLY ,, for me to "come live in his 4 bedroom, 2 bath apartment, (with swimming pool he was quick to add!) ,,,, he has 2 cars and a Hummer Jeep...."
all while he goes to Iraq tomorrow until December as an Army Captain,,
awwwwww poor baby!
at least he can "almost" write, spell, use words correctly. This is not the guy that called me "mature" and a "Cougar".... I blocked him already when he wrote in IM he would sure work me over on the dance floor and beat me at anything I try to do. He can taking a #&#%@&# LEAP OVER THE MOON!
Army boy with the 9yr old little girl, her mum died giving birth to her, is gonna ask a stranger like me to come to KS TONITE,, (got to be tonite) and stay,, no charge, in his apartment???
AIYIYIYIIYI
This is all I attract????
PHHHLLLBBBT!!!
I said I like to dance. He grilled me, SO! You can can dance? What type of dance??
I asked him how many beers have we had? He said "just one".. so I said, "Well then, it must be the pee pee dance".... Cuz he was wanting to show me up, LOL....
(((Yes, I DO dance,,, in the Everglades, in my living room in the dark, on the beach at the new moon,, etc.... I didn't say I took lessons or that I compete like Angel does in Ballroom dancing, LOL... Same as my singing!!!! I do it to please myself and GOD... as expressions from within me.... NOT some structured mumbo jumbo.... I never was good at that,,, two left feet,,,hmmmmm )))
He has to get with the program to follow my humor though.... his English speaking dictionary can't keep up.(I'm convinced he is an internet scam artist from the Middle East or Africa).
Now he says, "See wish you were in my home to cook, Or maybe you can't cook?"
My reply? "The dog never complained."
So I asked what he had for dinner since he didn't like it that I had Subway? He says, "chicken and chips". I ask if he will cook for two? I said I will let him spoil me, let me relax and enjoy watching him ...
I am such a flirt,, lol... (I am TERRIBLE at it,, I'm just kidding, REALLY!)
all while fending off text messages at midnight from SoFL and the guy that has a crush on me, that JUST DOESN"T GET IT that I am not interested!!!
WHERE ARE THE "REAL MEN"????? Please, stand up!
(this IM dude DOES make me laugh,, so far.)
Chilling out to Night Jazz and Classical from some college campus. Helps me relax :)
Well, g'nite,,, I've laughed myself silly...
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
This internet dude ,,,, we have talked 3 times on Instant Messenger,,,,
ok, Mr. GQ,,, I am "impressed" by your website shopping abilities ;)
he just requested,,, rather FERVENTLY ,, for me to "come live in his 4 bedroom, 2 bath apartment, (with swimming pool he was quick to add!) ,,,, he has 2 cars and a Hummer Jeep...."
all while he goes to Iraq tomorrow until December as an Army Captain,,
awwwwww poor baby!
at least he can "almost" write, spell, use words correctly. This is not the guy that called me "mature" and a "Cougar".... I blocked him already when he wrote in IM he would sure work me over on the dance floor and beat me at anything I try to do. He can taking a #&#%@&# LEAP OVER THE MOON!
Army boy with the 9yr old little girl, her mum died giving birth to her, is gonna ask a stranger like me to come to KS TONITE,, (got to be tonite) and stay,, no charge, in his apartment???
AIYIYIYIIYI
This is all I attract????
PHHHLLLBBBT!!!
I said I like to dance. He grilled me, SO! You can can dance? What type of dance??
I asked him how many beers have we had? He said "just one".. so I said, "Well then, it must be the pee pee dance".... Cuz he was wanting to show me up, LOL....
(((Yes, I DO dance,,, in the Everglades, in my living room in the dark, on the beach at the new moon,, etc.... I didn't say I took lessons or that I compete like Angel does in Ballroom dancing, LOL... Same as my singing!!!! I do it to please myself and GOD... as expressions from within me.... NOT some structured mumbo jumbo.... I never was good at that,,, two left feet,,,hmmmmm )))
He has to get with the program to follow my humor though.... his English speaking dictionary can't keep up.(I'm convinced he is an internet scam artist from the Middle East or Africa).
Now he says, "See wish you were in my home to cook, Or maybe you can't cook?"
My reply? "The dog never complained."
So I asked what he had for dinner since he didn't like it that I had Subway? He says, "chicken and chips". I ask if he will cook for two? I said I will let him spoil me, let me relax and enjoy watching him ...
I am such a flirt,, lol... (I am TERRIBLE at it,, I'm just kidding, REALLY!)
all while fending off text messages at midnight from SoFL and the guy that has a crush on me, that JUST DOESN"T GET IT that I am not interested!!!
WHERE ARE THE "REAL MEN"????? Please, stand up!
(this IM dude DOES make me laugh,, so far.)
Chilling out to Night Jazz and Classical from some college campus. Helps me relax :)
Well, g'nite,,, I've laughed myself silly...
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Miracles,,, In The Strangest Places
Well, I have just been the receiver of a true miracle. An answer to prayer. I am not suprised. This entire situation was bathed in reassurance of a holy kind, that GOD had everything right where he wants it. That I was to walk by faith. Not by sight. LITERALLY.
Arrived in Jacksonville Friday night, got truck preventive maintenance Saturday morning. Went out and bought myself some new tennis/work shoes. Now that my original trip to see Alisha is over, I can attend to needs I have as well. My shoes were letting dirt in, My one nice thing I do for myself, I get good name brand sneakers, because I wear them 3 years... literally walk the soles off of them.
I did not go out Friday night at all. I had torment and temptation and desire. But I sinned not....
Had a load assignment picking up at 7pm Saturday going to Sunrise, FL for 0300 delivery. I do this run alot. It is where my car is parked, so I snooze until about 7am,,, then I get dressed for church and go early. I get let into the classroom,, and pray protection and blessings on the room. Invite God and the angels... prepare me and the environment for manifestations of spiritual gifts and warfare.
So, I slept 4 hours,,, at 6pm, get a QC my load has cancelled (3rd time). As a courtesy, I sent Pastor and Rob Feist, my Sunday school teacher, a text saying I won't be in. Felt led to get up, get showered, get dressed anyway. God was at work!
I have missed last 2 weeks,,, I actually considered renting a car from the airport,,, that is how much my HEART wants to be in class and service! Also considered looking up the local assembly.
Decided to call my company home office in Iowa. The gave me a load picks up 12noon on Sunday here in Jax,, going to Miami for Monday... I MIGHT make part of the Sunday PM service??? The dispatcher says "go ahead and go over there. It may be ready early."
So,, I got cleaned up, and by FAITH, I go to the guard and say, "You will think this is odd, but God wants me to check and see if this load is by chance ready early?"
The young Haitian boy looks it up,,, they had FOUR of these loads,,, this is the LAST ONE and it was sitting here in Jacksonville since THURSDAY!!! (I could have been sitting at "home" all weekend>????)
I told him he is an answer to my prayer, the vessel God used to answer me. He did not know what to say.
I KNOW WHAT TO SAY - THANK YOU, JESUS AND LOOKOUT DEVIL!!!
When my SS teacher Rob got my text earlier? His reply really blessed me, "Will miss you in class tomorrow. ... Need someone in the class with some real understanding and exposure to the gifts."
When it was uncertain the HOW I was getting home???? That was a bittersweet "awwwwww" message.
My reply was just to bless him and the class and the services going on tonight. They are having Eli Hernandez in the Spanish church,, and they have interpereters and headsets for us Gringos.
It really is a walk by faith, not by sight. Here I go again, one wheel in front of the other.
Thank you LORD for provision and for the peace through it all. Not just today, a very tangible example, but for the assurance that you are with me. In spite of me.
ii John v. 12 Having many things to write unto you, I would not write with paper and ink: but I trust to come unto you, and speak face to face, that our joy may be full.
Humbled and blessed,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Arrived in Jacksonville Friday night, got truck preventive maintenance Saturday morning. Went out and bought myself some new tennis/work shoes. Now that my original trip to see Alisha is over, I can attend to needs I have as well. My shoes were letting dirt in, My one nice thing I do for myself, I get good name brand sneakers, because I wear them 3 years... literally walk the soles off of them.
I did not go out Friday night at all. I had torment and temptation and desire. But I sinned not....
Had a load assignment picking up at 7pm Saturday going to Sunrise, FL for 0300 delivery. I do this run alot. It is where my car is parked, so I snooze until about 7am,,, then I get dressed for church and go early. I get let into the classroom,, and pray protection and blessings on the room. Invite God and the angels... prepare me and the environment for manifestations of spiritual gifts and warfare.
So, I slept 4 hours,,, at 6pm, get a QC my load has cancelled (3rd time). As a courtesy, I sent Pastor and Rob Feist, my Sunday school teacher, a text saying I won't be in. Felt led to get up, get showered, get dressed anyway. God was at work!
I have missed last 2 weeks,,, I actually considered renting a car from the airport,,, that is how much my HEART wants to be in class and service! Also considered looking up the local assembly.
Decided to call my company home office in Iowa. The gave me a load picks up 12noon on Sunday here in Jax,, going to Miami for Monday... I MIGHT make part of the Sunday PM service??? The dispatcher says "go ahead and go over there. It may be ready early."
So,, I got cleaned up, and by FAITH, I go to the guard and say, "You will think this is odd, but God wants me to check and see if this load is by chance ready early?"
The young Haitian boy looks it up,,, they had FOUR of these loads,,, this is the LAST ONE and it was sitting here in Jacksonville since THURSDAY!!! (I could have been sitting at "home" all weekend>????)
I told him he is an answer to my prayer, the vessel God used to answer me. He did not know what to say.
I KNOW WHAT TO SAY - THANK YOU, JESUS AND LOOKOUT DEVIL!!!
When my SS teacher Rob got my text earlier? His reply really blessed me, "Will miss you in class tomorrow. ... Need someone in the class with some real understanding and exposure to the gifts."
When it was uncertain the HOW I was getting home???? That was a bittersweet "awwwwww" message.
My reply was just to bless him and the class and the services going on tonight. They are having Eli Hernandez in the Spanish church,, and they have interpereters and headsets for us Gringos.
It really is a walk by faith, not by sight. Here I go again, one wheel in front of the other.
Thank you LORD for provision and for the peace through it all. Not just today, a very tangible example, but for the assurance that you are with me. In spite of me.
ii John v. 12 Having many things to write unto you, I would not write with paper and ink: but I trust to come unto you, and speak face to face, that our joy may be full.
Humbled and blessed,
Jan M. Olsen
~J~
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tonite I AM.........
*** SIDE NOTE... I know... I KNOW!! I really shouldn't TURN THE FULL HEAT OF MY SMILE onto anyone,,, LOL... couldnt resist though,,,, I fired it up on Sami at Chick-Fil-A.... Poor dude,, DIDNT STAND A CHANCE, lol. He was a stammering mess. HOW FUNNY! I kinda like doing that every now and then,,,, JUST TO MESS WITH PEOPLE! (ROFL)
EXTREMELY.......
VERY EXTREMELY CONFLICTED .....
very - - VERY *VERY* BOUND UP INSIDE....
Feeling a CRUSHING WEIGHT square in my CHEST and CORE BEING!
omw....may HAVE TO DANCE after all ....
when i FINALLY get back to Jax???!!!
i know thats a heavy industrial area....Bet i could find a dark service road and go DANCE my guts out before I BLOW MY BRAINS OUT or screw up somewhere???
FRIDAYS....HEY at leasst I dont have a home.... FRIDAY tends to be "jusst another day"..... that FRIDAY FEELING aint hit me like this since the Perseids.
YIKES!
collateral damage is LIKELY
being "back home"??? i know which radio stations play what,,, and if i cave to an OLD DESTRUCTIVE HABIT OR TWO OR THREE????
IKNOW WHERE I CAN GO AND FIND JUST ABOUT ANYTHING THAT gets me through the night.....
C MON SUNSHINE!!
~ J ~
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone
EXTREMELY.......
VERY EXTREMELY CONFLICTED .....
very - - VERY *VERY* BOUND UP INSIDE....
Feeling a CRUSHING WEIGHT square in my CHEST and CORE BEING!
omw....may HAVE TO DANCE after all ....
when i FINALLY get back to Jax???!!!
i know thats a heavy industrial area....Bet i could find a dark service road and go DANCE my guts out before I BLOW MY BRAINS OUT or screw up somewhere???
FRIDAYS....HEY at leasst I dont have a home.... FRIDAY tends to be "jusst another day"..... that FRIDAY FEELING aint hit me like this since the Perseids.
YIKES!
collateral damage is LIKELY
being "back home"??? i know which radio stations play what,,, and if i cave to an OLD DESTRUCTIVE HABIT OR TWO OR THREE????
IKNOW WHERE I CAN GO AND FIND JUST ABOUT ANYTHING THAT gets me through the night.....
C MON SUNSHINE!!
~ J ~
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone
Goldielocks Says "Juuuust Right!"
Finally! Running on fumes, last sleep was 9pm wednesday and a snooze in Hollywood. Got the temperature PUUURRR-FECT here in my truck! My hands and feet are blue, nose is icy, and lips are at risk to chap.
Yep! It is freezing COLD in my truck! Never mind that it is an exquisite latter October day :-/
Sooo chilly? Yes, so I can burrow and snuggle down in soft layers of sheets, fleece, and sleeping bag.
Just sleep better cuddled up...Addy aint here to lend his ears for me to rub until I drift off. So? Snug as a bug in a rug it is!
Noonish now, back up at 4pm so I can get lunch, drive at 5:30pm.... hah! Gotta love hate the trucker crazy schedules! Glad to have work. That's the most important detail! Blessed to be physically still able, and loving the USA!
Finally uploaded trip photos to Picasa. Ready to have both my girls rendevous in a condo or something for a weekend or holiday.
HEY! a girl can dream big!
G'nite, world! Sweet dreams, please.
Jan O
~ J ~
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone
Concerned
Added on Friday at 0600: Whew! Seriously dragging tail!! Would technically be late for delivery appointment. Was half wishing for a deer or flat tire, LOL... any excuse better than "Grumpy ol' Goat needs a nap."
Trucking just slays me with their waste of money and manpower. The company sent me deadhead (no! Not ME, lol... the trailer is EMPTY thus the term - deadhead) 220 miles Miami to Orlando to pick up 50 washing machines going 4 (paid) miles to Winter Park. It was supposed to be a pre-loaded trailer.
Get here, on verge of late or very tight OTD and find it is a LIVE load!
HAH!! Saved by the kerfluffel!!
Now it's between Sears and my company to set a delivery time! Wipe the sweaty brow from THAT one. Was bummed to be running late. Not my style at all. Just flat wore out and moving sloooooow :(
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Always get concerned when after a period of headache and swelling that my right side goes numb and hard to command.... and my brain gets cloudy...my thoughts jumbled..
When that's not a condition of my heart, but instead a product of headache and high blood pressure? I can't help but wonder if its happening again?
I had a wonderful day of self-reconnection at Hollywood Beach. However, my personal prayer that I get even temporary respite from fever, joint pain, fatigue and scary high BP did not come to pass.
God is a healer. One way or another. His timing. His terms. TO HIS GLORY...
meanwhile, God please protect the motorists that share the roads with me.
This afternoon, enjoyed a 65 minute phone call with Angel. We had been playing phone tag, Both of us had begun to experience frustration the other was brushing off. A small series of missed cues or misread comments had simmered.
I love that little Lady. When I think I have "mind-struggles" ? It only takes a glimpse into Another's World to find my own abundant showerss of blessings! Thankful we took time to mend that broken, sparking foil path connection! New fuses and wiring? Restored service :)
Meanwhile as I drive tonight to Orlando, my numb right side would be comical if I weren't having nerve and muscle spasms behind this big wheel. One day.... I will understand it better by and by... right?
Listening to "Music Through The Night" and choosing to purpose in counting my blessings,
Jan M. Olsen
~ J ~
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phon
Trucking just slays me with their waste of money and manpower. The company sent me deadhead (no! Not ME, lol... the trailer is EMPTY thus the term - deadhead) 220 miles Miami to Orlando to pick up 50 washing machines going 4 (paid) miles to Winter Park. It was supposed to be a pre-loaded trailer.
Get here, on verge of late or very tight OTD and find it is a LIVE load!
HAH!! Saved by the kerfluffel!!
Now it's between Sears and my company to set a delivery time! Wipe the sweaty brow from THAT one. Was bummed to be running late. Not my style at all. Just flat wore out and moving sloooooow :(
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Always get concerned when after a period of headache and swelling that my right side goes numb and hard to command.... and my brain gets cloudy...my thoughts jumbled..
When that's not a condition of my heart, but instead a product of headache and high blood pressure? I can't help but wonder if its happening again?
I had a wonderful day of self-reconnection at Hollywood Beach. However, my personal prayer that I get even temporary respite from fever, joint pain, fatigue and scary high BP did not come to pass.
God is a healer. One way or another. His timing. His terms. TO HIS GLORY...
meanwhile, God please protect the motorists that share the roads with me.
This afternoon, enjoyed a 65 minute phone call with Angel. We had been playing phone tag, Both of us had begun to experience frustration the other was brushing off. A small series of missed cues or misread comments had simmered.
I love that little Lady. When I think I have "mind-struggles" ? It only takes a glimpse into Another's World to find my own abundant showerss of blessings! Thankful we took time to mend that broken, sparking foil path connection! New fuses and wiring? Restored service :)
Meanwhile as I drive tonight to Orlando, my numb right side would be comical if I weren't having nerve and muscle spasms behind this big wheel. One day.... I will understand it better by and by... right?
Listening to "Music Through The Night" and choosing to purpose in counting my blessings,
Jan M. Olsen
~ J ~
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phon
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