Seems the only half decent time to drive through Los Angeles OR SoFL is 2am! It's just now 5:30am, nutty already! Crazy! Rude & congested.

We took turns with youtube videos, testimonies, burdens, sharing a meal, heart-warming love with a brother, a sister, and with Winston ;) I'm so blessed-happy.

VERY MOST AWESOME VISIT WITH 2 OF THE PUREST OF HEART, MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN AND WOMAN INSIDE TO THE OUTSIDE! HOSPITALITY, FELLOWSHIP, SUPPORT. Humbled, no words.

Sonny's!!! That's what's for lunch! Hanging for the PM with Brian & Shanna! WooHoo!!! Another gift and blessing! GR8 fellowship AND food ;)

It's Biketoberfest at Daytona Beach. Why am I cruising through on 16 wheels too many??? What was I thinking?

Going Through Old Letters I Found This....

You WILL BE VICTORIOUS!! IN JESUS' NAME!!!

Pastor

On Sat, Nov 8, 2008 at 8:08 PM, Jan wrote:
Pastor Hattabaugh,
This will be the last letter I send for awhile.
8 November 2008, Saturday
St. Clair, Missouri
Alisha – Truth- - For Awhile

AWHILE
For awhile, I am going to drop off the internet scene. I am closing myself in. Getting shut away with God, taking hold of the horns of the altar in a death grip that says "I won't let you go until you bless me!!!!!!!!!" After this letter, I am beginning a fresh communications fast. I don't have a clear direction from God yet as to just how long this one will last. The one after Conference was only supposed to be 3 days , until I failed miserably on the first day and it became 4 days with a modified food fast too. This means no new email from me, no more Facebook or Myspace,,, not sure about journaling. Anything you wish to send to me,, will be there waiting for me when I return. You will still be able to keep up with me via checks in the mail.

I will not be looking up a church for Sunday either.

Simply tired of something having a hold on me. My past? The Present? The Future? Whether it is the enemy holding me 10 feet underwater upside down,, strangling me? Or God withholding directions and blessings from me until he gets through to my my hard head? Whatever it is, I am sick of being "HELD". I am gonna get serious with God.

I have no choice.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
ALISHA

Angel reminded me today of a few things. Not to let Ole be a stumbling block. Ole will not return mine or Angel's phone calls. I can see mine.. but Angel his daughter? Is he just busy? A jerk? Or does he have an arrangement with Alisha that he can be in her loop if he keeps Angel and I in the dark?

Also, not to let Alisha be a stumbling block. It is their right to decide to shut us out. Up to us how it affects us. Also of the dreams she and I were given of God separately back in August. Alisha is not either one of ours. She doesn't "belong" to me as a daughter or to Angel as a Sister. She is blood bought, purchased by God to himself, she is his, not ours. Jesus stands to lose a whole lot more in Alisha's rejection than we do.

So, I have updated my status on myspace. That way if Alisha looks me up again,, and is preparing another nasty letter to me,,, she will see quiet words of strength, from my heart. The reference to "Meet In The Middle" is a song that Lewis and I played for both girls once upon a better time, and we had a group hug and a long evening of dancing and holding each other close,,, bonding. It is a country song that simply says, "I'd start walking your way, You'd start walking mine, We'd meet in the middle 'neath that old Georgia pine, We'd gain a lot of ground, 'cause we'd both give a little, There ain't no road too long, when you meet in the middle."
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

TRUTH

The areas I will be focusing on:
1) My salvation and place with God. Sorry, but for once I have to be selfish and make this my number one priority.
2) My family to include parents and brother. Angel (& Aaron). Alisha (& Tony & ???).
3) The ministry and the churches and the families I have met so far since June nationwide.
4) Lost souls.
5) The breakthrough I keep getting laid hands on for. I have got to have an answer.
6) Loneliness and hopelessness. Especially here during the holiday season.

Questions to filter everything that I allow back into my life when I emerge from this season:

A) Is it edifying?

B) Does it glorify God?

C) Is it necessary?

D) Will it matter in 20 years?

E) Is it worth it?

F) Will it hinder me or anyone else in walking with God in a way that pleases him?

G) Am I being a good steward? Time, money, talents, abilities, energy?

H) Is it in proper proportions? Moderation?

I) Does it line up with the Bible?

I am broken of heart.


I possess a contrite spirit.


I am weary of fighting.


I am sick of my own stubborn self will and self determination stealing perfect joy and surrender in Christ.


I can't seem to get out of my own way.


I am desperate for answers. Peace. Guidance.


I am vulnerable and afraid.


I am going to boldly approach the throne of grace.


I will humbly present my body a living sacrifice.


I am standing on the solidness of God's unchanging WORD and Nature.


I will be victorious.

My request to you is that you pray for me. Thank you for your time, understanding, and prayers.
JAN OLSEN
~J~
"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's a Song Kind of Day

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you cant turn around and say good-bye
All you know is when im with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea


I'm singing....
Follow me


Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Won't give you money
I can't give you the sky
It better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason that you go stranded
We'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you cant turn around and say good-bye
All you know is when im with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea


I'm singing....


Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight


In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there


So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

WOW OH WOW! a Thoma Kincaide store at Casey Jones! I can look, but I can't afford a postcard. Love his works :)

Not In A Box

Travelling a route from Mississippi to Tennessee that I covered about 3 weeks ago, reminded I am not the same person I was that day. The area pointed out to me its differences. It is cooler temps,The landscape is subtly different, now wearing a Joseph's coat of Fall colors with some thinning to the foliage.


Previously, I had not noticed this is serious cotton farmlands. Today, the harvest is rich & ample. It was one particular field that spoke into my heart. I noticed as the road undulated with the hills, off to the right, the same white heads of the cotton bolls. But THIS field was not squared off in a box. Rather, it was an artistic layout of sweeps and curves. Instead of flat, it rolled up and down with the land. I took another look and realised the shape of the field was due to the farmer had planted around the existing trees! In radiant TN Autumn array, the white tree skirt of cotton crop moved with the land instead of tilling under the sentinels of old.

Stirred in my spirit, I know I just saw a visualization of something I have been trying to explain about my own inner man for a lifetime. I just don't want to be guilty of rigid idealogies, man's dictates, or tradition that no one can remember WHY it was ever done that way to start with. Gifted in spirit, intelligence, and in heart matters, I want to flow as the essence directs. Keep my color & integrity. Profit from that which has blazed before, all while protecting my faith in colors, shapes, changes.

I appreciate the farmer. He did something that was right in his own eyes. Who knows if anyone else noticed? Did the farmers association threaten to disbar him? Did his family scoff? Did his children move away to work another farm that adhered to the established rules of planting?

Who knows.

His statement reached into this road warrior's being. I missed it three weeks ago, when the trees and the crop were a uniform green. Today, challenged to let HIS light shine through my light and windows. As I turn in the sun, allowing the bouncing of my inner light to refract as though from an Austrian crystal.

Cleaned the panes so I can see clearly. Pulled up & discarded the weeds of distraction. Blew out the chaff of people & things that weigh me down. Added color and texture to my support system through new, old, and renewed acquaintences.

Feeling a sirring within me. Time to create again. To explore. To stretch. To extend. Much has been given to me. Much is required. Rested and ready. Eager. Inspired. Warmed of soul, full of passion. Renewed of hope, faith and of love.

Musing,

Jan M. Olsen

~J~

At receiver in Humboldt, TN "Follow the lines of the pavement when you back in. It won't look straight, but it will be straight". HUH?!?!
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
kind of the humor. NO yellow lines at all. The plane lines of the concrete ramp was off plumb. The tractor had to keep a bend in it to be square against the dockplate. Dropped it in one shot, with one pull up! whoop whoop!

Visiting my parents is a full-fledged Pandora's Box. Sifting the positives and negatives through the "grateful sieve", I come out in one piece and blessed. oxo,,, got my mom & dad fix :)
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
dad had me drive us back to Birmingham.

the girls and I hold hands,,, without thinking, I reached over and took my mom's hand.

she pulled hers away.

par for the course. why do i still feel it then?? jan you are such a dumbass

Funny, after a decade of being "Jan"...suddenly I am Janet again. Weird de ja vue. Loving the rural ride and Autumn colors! WARRIOR RIVER!!

Ok, today has beat the dog snot out of me. However, I have SAFELY arrived and spending the Best of my afternoon with my parents. So BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE :-)

No Words Necessary

God, your timing is perfect. What I see as delay,

 you see as protection.

 What I champ the bit over? You shelter me.

 In awe and gratitude :)

OH MY GOSH!!!!! MY FOLKS ARE GOING TO COME PICK ME UP IN BIRMINGHAM, AL AND TAKE ME TO THEIR HOUSE FOR A FEW HOURS!!! I am happily amazed & excited! WOW!!!

Slowing Down To Live

I just photographed a scary hour of my being "LOST" in my semi truck,,, the road got narrower,, and finally the pavement ran out. It became red GA clay! That kind of experience and my joy to try new things leads to my book title "No Wrong Turns" ,,,,, just roads I haven't tried yet!!! Perfect example! The original was a solo motorcycle ride in Central Florida. New photos coming to Facebook!

The roads I was lost on had names, but no road signs. Edges, but no shoulders. Hardtop, but no pavement. It was fun!
The Fall air is gentle and cool.  I like cool temps. Great for camping in a tent, hiking, fishing, just enjoying Creation!  Today I wore a lightweight long sleeve jersey, just to FEEL the fabric on my skin after a humid SoFL summer.

THREE ROADS DIVERGED IN A GEORGIA PINEY WOODS, AND I?

I TOOK THE ONE BEST TO TRAVEL BY!

exquisite day of passion and inspiration!!

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Everything in Georgia is running slow today, slow motion, speed of snail,, torturous turtle,,

Like the semi truck that was looking in to the glare of early eastern sunrise,, that he got blinded and ran his red light,,,, in slow motion, I saw us about to hit T-bone as I went through the green... my slowing down, and him slammiing on his brakes... averted the crash.

Angel is much better! YES! Pleased with her that she took yesterday and today out of class.. she was sick 2 weeks ago, and went back the next day she felt better... this time,, along with the ENT side of it,, she got the flu too!!!

She has had ruptured eardrums before,, so I am just glad to hear the congestion and fever is moving on. Bless her for taking the time off to recuperate!!!

I teased her, that even though she has not made time to meet up with me the last 2 times I went through tampa,, that somehow the little monkey still gave me her cold or flu or whatever. I am not claiming either... just pouring in the vitamins, tea, supplements, Airborne, and today had to add a cold remedy jsut to stay rolling.
Then as I rolled west of Albany, GA,,, on US-82.... I came upon a REAL TREAT to me!!! A Hardees in the middle of NO-Where with truck parking!!!! A rare find!! They were actually one of my first jobs in high school,, only back then they were called Poppa Jay's and served fresh fried chicken and peach cobbler.

So even though they were slow as Christmas and I can not taste anything,. just for the happy time the finding of a Hardees during breakfast hours with truck parking?? I stopped.... just for the heck of it.

Sure hoping I roll fast enough to Jasper before my clock runs out! If it is meant to be?? What will be, will be.

Today is shaping up,,, and if I dont get to see my folks?? well,, heaven knows,, my body could use a dead-to-the-world GREAT SLEEP!!!

Jan

Well...... my mom picked up the house phone. i don't think she recognized who i am... Gonna try again at noon, see if I will get close enough. Dumb ol' heart.

high cotton

Sylvester, GA-

Home of Peter Pan Peanut Butter and the Worth Cotton Gin Mill.

well now, aint that purty cool?!

the fields are white to harvest... figuratively & literally. And cotton has rained down on the roadway like snow. How rural & Americanna! Some color change for Fall and less foliage.

Well, it's 8 days until my flight Jax-Denver. It's been almost 3 weeks since I've heard from Alisha though. No replies to my weekly email. Wondering if she switched which job she worked most? She talked about full-time manager. Part-time server.

Or did Tony find out & forbid the meeting after all? I think he gave his permission as long as I did not come to their physical address? Longing for a word of confirmation that all is well.

Also, going to be minutes from my parents this afternoon, was going to spend the early evning at their place connecting.

No answer on house phone (and no v-m machine picks up??) or on their cell. No reply to text or email.

WHAT IS GOING ON? Did I miss a memo?

Nah, just being me. I'm reaching out..... it's a roll of the dice if the response breaks my heart or makes it sing. Could go either way with this silly set of people called "family".

So, working on encouraging myself...and not letting the fever win. IT's a cold this time, gotta kick that before I fly!

Pondering,
Jan M. Olsen

~ J ~
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone

Heart In My Hand

Gonna try,, key word, try,, to stop in and spend Thursday afternoon and night with my parents in Cordova, AL.

There are a few obstacles. They shouldn't drive after dark.  That not only means coming to pick me up, but also the return trip to the truck stop...

I yearn to see them.

But I would have to go back to my truck at 0300 Friday.

I dunno....

loving,
jan

Let Them Praise

that's the song Twila Paris is singing on Moody Radio at 0115. Already feeling a conviction - a tugging in my heart to look for the blessing in my evening. Repenting of my pain and grumbling.
I did get about 5 1/2 hours of sleep. I did wake up, and eventually get stretched out to sit up, swing out, then even stand up. Took over an hour to sit upright, just now beginning to breathe less tortured.
With all that? I woke up, I COULD move, breathe, feel....and work. I have a good job, more than adequate, rewarding too.
The forest is veery black, alot of wildlife moving. So much time to pray..to share with my God, my Creator, my Father my joy and appreciation for the living. How many times has he saved me from my stupid self? How many times has he woke me up, in spite of my best efforts to sleep forever?
Pulling me deeper, closer, more intimate....loving me still. I am so blessed. I have a dream, and breath to draw... to raise PRAISE!
To love more fully....to reach out to the hurting, lonely, rejected, downcast,,,,
Thanking God for the 566,092,800 seconds I had with EACH daughter for the first 18yrs of their life...
Life and right now? Is good. Onward bound.

oh, and God?  thank you for PUFFS PLUS!!!
jan
~ J ~
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone